Watching Him
by veiledndarkness
Summary: She sees everything, she’s watching him fall.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Watching Him

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU, follows storyline of movie somewhat.

xx

It was her ability to go under the radar that had kept her working for the Darley's for so many years. The ability to blend into the background, to be visible only when they needed her, her most valued skill. Beth was silent and loyal, that was all that mattered. On some levels, she was afraid of them, but for the most part, she knew them, all of them so well that fear was nothing but a reflex. Fear for a moment until her rational side kicked in.

In her time with them, she had seen so much. Things she wished she'd never seen or heard, the terrible stories they told. Each day was the same until one evening, when everything changed.

xx

Beth lifted the wicker basket up, her back protesting vainly as she carried it down the dark hallway. She placed it by her feet and knocked quietly on the door. A mumbled grunt was her greeting. She turned the brass doorknob, pushing it open an inch at a time.

The room was dark, redolent with sweat and smoke, the lingering musk of sex in the air. Beth wrinkled her nose and stepped inside, breathing only in shallow gasps. She brought the wicker basket in with her and began feeling her way around the floor.

She slowly gathered the clothes that had been tossed haphazardly to the floor. As she neared the bed, she stilled, watching the eyes that were following her movements. "Sorry," she whispered to him. She dropped her gaze respectfully and reached for the clothes that hung from the bedpost.

A hand slipped out and grasped her forearm, strong fingers holding her in place. Beth froze, a startled breath leaving her. The fingers traced down her skin, callused and roughened. She bit her lip, a shiver running down her spine.

"Sorry," she whispered again, "Just gatherin' the laundry."

Cold blue eyes flicked down to her arm where his fingers held her. He let go a moment later and shifted onto his side, the thin sheet slipping down to his waist. Beth looked away. She'd seen him naked more than a few times over the years, but the sight of his scarred and tattooed chest never failed to catch her off guard.

She took the shirt from the bedpost and added it to the pile in the basket. "Clean ones are in the drawer," she nodded to the old dresser across the room.

He nodded and closed his eyes, his breathing evening out. Beth hesitated by the window, her palms moving along the wooden frame. She lifted it up a little, a cool breeze of morning air slipping into the room. She rubbed her elbows, watching the sunshine creep across the faded carpet for several minutes.

Beth looked back at the bed, watching him. He looked calm, relaxed even, in his sleep. He lay sprawled over the bed, the sheets twisted along his body. He looked up at her, a small frown creasing his forehead.

"Out," he rasped finally.

She lifted up the basket, balancing it on her hip. "Yes sir," she nodded, leaving the room. She closed the door behind her and touched one hand to her chest, unable to fathom why her heart was pounding so hard. She exhaled shakily and walked down the hallway, away from Billy Darley's room.

xx

Beth gathered the clothes from the other rooms and started the first load into the washer in the basement. She stretched, cracking her back as she did so. She leaned back against the folding table, listening to the machine chug in the first cycle.

Each room was the same in the Four Roses bar, small, grimy and without much cheer. The building stood two stories high, four rooms upstairs, and a tiny office behind the bar that also doubled as a bedroom. Beth smoothed a hand over her head, adjusting the fabric band holding her plain brown hair back from her face. She sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the relative silence of the building.

"Mornin' kiddo."

"Morning to you, Eddie," Beth cracked one eye open. "What's got you up this early, hm?"

Eddie leaned in the doorway, his large frame dwarfing the machines next to him. "Chasin' the girlie from my bed," he flashed a crooked grin at her and shook his head. "She overstayed her welcome."

"Charming," Beth snorted. "You're a pig, Eddie; I hope you can live with that."

"Aww, Bethie, that ain't nice," he wiggled a bag in one big hand. "I brought ya sweets an' you go insultin' me."

She opened both eyes then. "If you think you can win me over with pastries, you're wrong," she reached up and tugged the bag loose from his fingers. "And the answer's still no; I won't be warmin' your bed any time soon."

"Dang," he snapped his fingers. "I was so hopin'."

Beth laughed a little and bit into the flaky pastry. "What's the record now? Eight years an' counting of you asking and me saying no?"

Eddie leaned against the folding table with her. He dug into his jeans pocket, pulling out a lighter and a silver case. He took the cigarette out and tapped it on the case, lighting it. "Yeah, s' about right, I think. Never say never, Bethie."

She leaned against him, chewing slowly. "I don't sleep with father figures, Eds."

"Yeah, yeah I know," he slipped one long arm around her, hugging her.

Beth finished the rest of her pastry and wiped her hands clean on the napkin from the bag. "You better get goin', I got rooms to clean."

He inhaled deeply on the cigarette. "Take it easy, kiddo," he gestured to the small window that was placed high up along the wall. "Get outside if ya can. It's s'posed to be real warm today."

"Yeah, think I might," she murmured.

Eddie ruffled a hand over her hair, his own gray hair catching the dim light for a second. "You're a good kid, you know that? No one's ever lasted as long as you have."

She shrugged. "I know when to stay under the radar. Now get goin'. You don't need the boss seeing you talkin' me up."

He whistled as he left the room, his long gray ponytail swishing while he walked. Beth closed her eyes again, the suds churning away.

xx

In truth, she was quite good at blending in. She cleaned the rooms, did the laundry, mended clothes and helped Sammy run the bar. Beth had never been asked to be a waitress and she felt no pressing desire to be one. The girls that worked the bar dressed provocatively and were just as hard and fast as the men. They were tough women who seemed aged before their times and also seemed to understand their lot in life.

Beth carried the freshly dried towels upstairs, weak sunlight beginning to illuminate the halls. She placed some in the hall closet and continued on to the main bathroom. The door stood slightly ajar, water trickling from the old pipes.

She knocked on the door, shifting the towels from one hand to the other.

"What?" a voice snapped.

She pushed the door open with her elbow. "Towels," she placed two on the rack along one wall.

Billy glanced at her and waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah." He leaned back in the bath tub, the water echoing off the faded porcelain. He rubbed a hand over his face, sighing.

Beth moved to the cabinet above the sink and opened it, selecting a few items. She set them out on the sink ledge, lining each item up neatly, a straight edge razor, the brush and shaving cream, all in a row on the ledge. She closed the cabinet again and looked down at the linoleum. "You want Suzy up here for the shave?"

Several minutes of silence filled the air. Beth waited, accustomed to the long silences from him. "No," he turned his head, studying her.

"I..." she nodded, "Alright." She turned to leave.

"You do it."

Beth paused at the door, her hand on the wood trim. "What?"

Billy leveled a look at her, daring her to refuse. "Ya heard me. You do it."

"If you want," she demurred, walking back over to the tub. Beth brought the items over and sat down on the stool beside the bath tub. She looked down and away rapidly, heat creeping up her neck. He smirked and rested back.

"No need t' play shy, girlie," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "It's nothing I haven't seen before." She picked up the lathering brush and mixed the cream.

She moved slowly, taking the time to shave him properly. Her mother had taught her how to use straight razors years ago, and Billy preferred them to disposables. He held still, the room silent but for the scraping sounds and the water droplets falling from the tap now and then.

Beth wiped his head clean when she finished, her fingers shaking once the task was done. Being so close to him, holding a sharp straight edge razor to his neck and head...it made her so nervous...She wiped the razor clean and put the cream and brush away. "You're done," she murmured.

He ran a hand over his smooth scalp, nodding approvingly. "Tell Suzy I don't want her doin' it any more. Her hands shake too fuckin' much."

"Yes sir," Beth set the towel closer to him. She left the room, unnerved by the look in his eyes.

xx

Beth spent the better part of the day cleaning. She avoided the men, preferring to stay far away from them. She tidied the rooms before heading down to the bar area. The men sat around one long table, bottles and overflowing ashtrays lining the stained wood. Billy sat at the end of the table, a cigarette perched in his fingers. He lifted his shot glass and swirled it a little before downing it.

"Where the fuck is Joe?" he demanded, glaring at the men around him.

"He comin', he called in...Bones kept 'im," Bodie drummed his fingers on the table top. He shrugged and nodded to the cracked clock on the wall.

Billy's jaw clenched at the mere mention of Bones. "Figures," he muttered.

Beth stepped behind the bar, nodding to Sammy. She held the clipboard to her chest and sat on the milk crate in one corner of the small space behind the counter. She slipped the pencil out from her pocket and began the inventory for the week.

Bones...She grimaced and counted the bottles lining one wall. She disliked the man, even if he had hired her years before. He was a large, sweaty man, fat with beady eyes and a perpetual sneer on his face. There was no lost love between Bones and Billy or Joe, Billy's younger brother.

She pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear and moved on to the tequila bottles, listening with half an ear to the voices that floated on the smoky air. They often discussed plans, things they had done, places robbed, sexual conquests, money made...she rolled her eyes unseen and continued the inventory.

A slam above her head made her jump up, badly startled. She stared up at Billy, forcing a look of calm to her face. "Yes sir?" she whispered.

He leaned in, cold eyes raking over her. "Bring a round."

"I'll get Tammy to bring them," she set the clipboard down and moved away from him.

Billy's fingers shot out and snagged her wrist, holding her back. "I asked you," he tugged her closer, his breath ghosting over her.

Beth fought the urge to yank her wrist free from his grip. "Sorry...I, I'll get them."

He grunted and let go of her wrist. "Jack Daniels, an' make it quick."

"Yes sir," she looked away from him. As she filled the shot glasses, her stomach turned.

Sammy passed her the tray for the glasses. "Somethin' be botherin' him," he mumbled, "Ain't seen him all twitchy like this in too long."

Beth nodded silently. She filled the tray and lifted it up, her back paining her again. She rubbed at the small of her back with one hand wearily and carried the tray over to the table, unnoticed by most of the men there. She set each glass in front of them and slipped away from the table, overwhelmingly aware of Billy's eyes on her.

Beth took a load of the glasses to the tiny kitchen area and began rinsing them, her shoulders hunched. "I don't get it," she whispered to Sammy. "He's bein' so damn weird."

Sammy nodded. "I don't know, Bethie. You keep ya head down, I will too. Been through worse, so dummy up, right?"

She smiled faintly. "Yeah, dummy up all right," she loaded the old dishwasher and started the cycle.

xx

The hours passed slowly and Joe joined the men eventually. He was sullen, a quiet boy who never said too much unless the other men were around. Then he'd do his best to imitate them, copying their speech, mimicking the habits of his older brother, their leader.

Billy yanked Joe up from his seat, his hand fisted in the red leather of Joe's coat. "A' right, we're gonna make ya a man t' night!" he said, the guys shouting their approval.

Joe grinned and nodded, bumping shoulders with Billy. "'Bout fuckin' time," he said, his response met with raucous laughter.

"You gonna do me proud, Joey boy, yeah?" Billy pulled him close.

"Yeah..." Joe flashed a smile that seemed fake from where Beth stood. He leaned into the rough hug from his brother, his smile drooping when Billy wasn't looking.

Beth bit down on her bottom lip, her stomach knotting restlessly. Billy let go of Joe and pushed him forward. Bodie held a machete in one hand, the gloves on his hand creaking with each movement.

She looked to Sammy, her brown eyes wide. He held her stare for a moment and then turned away. She sighed and wiped the table, mopping up the spilt liquor. As she watched them file out of the bar, her hand grasping one discarded bottle, she felt a horrible wave of fear build up, a fear that made her blood run cold.

Something was wrong, something...was about to happen.

xx


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Watching Him 2/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

The hours seemed to drag by. Beth cleaned the tables, gathered the bottles and washed the glasses. She emptied the ash trays and carefully cleaned up any drug paraphernalia that had been left behind and straightened the chairs. As she did so, she found her gaze wandering to the clock, timing the men from the moment they left.

"Bethie," Sammy put his washcloth down and shook his head, his black hair falling loose from the ponytail he wore. "Girlie, don't be watchin'. Watched pots don't boil, yeah?"

She sighed and tugged the broom along the side of the wall. She made a neat pile of gathered dirt, sweeping it into the dustpan. "Sammy, did you...did you get any bad feelin's tonight? Like something isn't right?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, Billy, his mind ain't all there t' night," he murmured a prayer in Spanish and touched the gold cross under his shirt, "S' what they do, no use in frettin'."

"No, I know, it's just..." she emptied the dustpan into the garbage bag. "His eyes...They're gonna do something tonight, something bad."

Sammy wiped the beer taps down with another rag, a light disinfectant smell in the air. "Nothin' good comes with the Darley's."

"I suppose not."

"Eight years an' you just realizin' now, Bethie? This ain't no place for innocents. You know, I know, shit girlie, even them cops know, an' they got a hard on for provin' it. Never enough evidence, jus' blood spilt. S' way things go."

Beth tied the garbage shut, frowning. "Does that make us guilty then too?"

"Nah," Sammy touched the cross again. "We work; we do jobs like ev'ryone else. You kill someone? You pump 'im full of drugs or fuck for money?"

She blushed faintly. "Sammy, God, you're crass."

"An' you ain't no innocent, but you ain't a gang banger. Just a cleaner if anyone asks."

"Only a cleaner," she echoed. She sat on the nearest chair and tugged her hair tie loose, the light brown strands spilling over her shoulders. "Joe didn't wanna go tonight. I saw his face. He didn't want this...whatever they're doin'."

"Bethie, he didn't get any choice. Stop askin' questions ya know answers to an' get on home. This ain't a place for you after hours."

She nodded tiredly. She put the broom and dustpan away before gathering the garbage and hauling it outside to the dumpster. Beth lugged it over and tossed the bag in, her arms aching. She stood there a moment, watching the stars overhead. She crossed her arms over her chest, her skin prickling.

In the distance she could hear sirens wailing. Beth closed her eyes. Somewhere, someone had lost their life, she was sure of it.

XX

The next morning came all too soon for her. She squinted at the clock on her bedside table and covered her face with her blankets. "Ungh," she groaned. It was early, so early. As she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower, Beth felt her skin erupt in goose bumps. She shivered and stood under the hot spray, unbearably nervous.

By her second cup of coffee, one that she carried in her thermos to sip on the way to the Four Roses, Beth felt the nervous rush grow stronger. She unlocked the side door and slipped into the building, relocking it behind her. She tugged her apron on and tied her hair back, starting her day again.

She went upstairs and knocked on Billy's door. A grunt greeted her. She crept into the room and winced. Sprawled on the bed with him was the body of a naked girl. She looked away from the pair of them, her stomach churning.

Billy shifted on the bed, peering up at her. He licked his lower lip, his eyes glazed. Beth sighed inwardly and approached him. She knelt down next to the bed, her head lowered.

Billy stared at her and then yawned. "Get rid of her," he demanded, his voice raspy and strained.

"Is this one alive?" she snapped before she could stop herself.

He glared at her, one hand reaching up and snagging her ponytail. He yanked on it, bringing her flush against him. Beth bit her lip, holding back a whimper. Billy lifted his head, their faces mere inches apart. "Ya got a fuckin' problem I oughta know about?" he whispered.

"N-No," Beth recoiled back from the look in his eyes. "Please, I'm sorry; I'll get rid of her. Please..."

"Good," he unwound his hand from her hair, his fingers stroking the soft strands with something akin to affection.

Beth held still, relaxing into the touch. She focused on the sound of her breathing, on the sound of his exhaled breaths, on the surprisingly gentle touch to her scalp. Billy moved his roughened fingers in circles along her head, easing the sore spots. He rubbed his thumb along the nape of her neck, sending a shiver down her back. Beth tilted her head to the side, her eyes closed. It'd been much too long since the last time she'd been touched like that.

She sighed, her heart beating faster. Billy stilled his hand at the low sigh. She glanced back at him, catching the look, the hint of something other than cruelty in his eyes for a fraction of a second. He blinked and the moment was gone. Beth swallowed and moved to the side, his hand falling away from her. She stood up and crossed the room to the window. She lifted it up, letting fresh air in.

The girl on the bed whined and sat up, glaring at Beth. "Get out!" she covered her breasts with one arm, scowling at her.

Billy sat back, smirking. "Ah, shut up," he pushed at the girl. "Get ya scrawny ass up an' out a' ready."

She huffed and moved off the bed, stomping over to the pile of clothes on the floor. "You're nothin' special either," she spat at him, "Gimme my money."

Billy leaned over the edge of the bed, dragging his jeans up off the floor. He peeled a twenty off the wad of cash and tossed it near her. "That's ten more than ya deserve. Get the fuck out."

Beth hid a smile and busied herself with gathering the dirty clothes. She waited until the door banged shut before looking at Billy. "Lousy lay?" she guessed, her lips curving into a slight smile.

"Lousy ain't even close," he rolled his eyes and curled back up on the bed, "Won't be usin' her again. Toss me the pack an' get goin'."

She passed him the package of cigarettes from the table and the lighter. Something had changed in those few seconds when he'd touched her so gently and it frightened her. Beth left the room, her throat working quickly.

XX

Beth made herself scarce for the rest of the morning. She scrubbed the bathroom down, her fingers red and raw by the time she finished. She came out of the bathroom, narrowly missing Billy as he strode past her. Beth hung back in the doorway, watching him go. He slid a pair of sunglasses on, a lit cigarette in one hand, a worn backpack slung over his shoulder. He looked angry.

Billy's boots clomped heavily on the old wooden stairs, the cigarette smoke trailing above his head. Beth looked to the other room, Joe's room whenever he stayed there. The door was still closed. Goosebumps rose again on Beth's arms. She crossed the hallway, the boards squeaking now and again.

After a moment's pause, she pushed the door open. The room was empty, the blankets still neatly done up from the day before when she'd made the bed. Beth shivered hard, her skin crawling. It was so cold in the room. She closed the door, her hands shaking.

"Bethie?" Eddie hollered up the stairs. "C'mon girlie, I ain't got all day!"

"Yeah...Yeah, I'm comin', hold your horses," she hurried down the stairs, stopping short when she saw Bodie and Jamie in the doorway, grim frowns on their faces. "What...what happened?"

They ignored her, looking right at Eddie. "They got 'im," Bodie said, his dark eyes gleaming in the light. "Cops snagged him. Hit by a fuckin' car so they stuck him in the hospital."

Beth sank down to the steps, sitting on one. Her stomach knotted up hard. Billy stood off to the side, a muscle in his cheek jumping. "What?" he yanked his sunglasses off. "The fuck did you jus' say?"

"The kid...his dad got 'im. The car hit Joe an' the cops took him," Jamie stared at the ground as though the faded wood was suddenly fascinating. "Sorry man..."

"Sorry...You're sorry?!" Billy's voice was soft, quiet and lethal. "You're sorry? You were s'posed to be his motherfuckin' backup! Where the fuck was your ass, huh?"

Jamie flinched and licked his lips. "The guy grabbed him 'fore I could. We was all runnin' so fast."

Billy crossed the room to him in three steps. He fisted his big hands in Jamie's coat, yanking him clear off the floor. "You'd best hope he don't die in that goddamned hospital," he hissed.

Jamie nodded rapidly, sweat running down his face. Billy shoved him back down with a disgusted sigh. "Useless fucker, get the fuck outta here."

Jamie scrambled to his feet and slinked away. Billy slammed his fist down on the nearest table. "Damn it! Goddamn it!"

Beth covered her mouth with one hand, her chest hitching. "Joe..." she whispered.

Eddie glanced at her, shaking his head. Billy yanked his backpack on his shoulder again and stormed out of the bar, the door slamming hard behind him.

XX

Late that night, Beth found herself scrubbing up a dried patch of whiskey on the floor. She sat back with a sigh and dropped the washcloth into the bucket. She looked up at the clock with a small groan. It was well past nine. Billy had been gone since that morning and a heavy silence had hung over the bar for most of the evening.

Gradually, each man left, off on various reasons. Beth stood up and emptied the pail into the sink. She rinsed it out and put everything away, finally ready to start closing up. She untied the apron around her waist and hung it up. As she unpinned her hair from the ponytail, a loud crash echoed from outside the building.

She froze, her eyes widening. Beth touched one hand to the underside of the bar, feeling for the gun that Sammy kept there. Footsteps stomped into the bar and the door swung open. Beth sucked in a breath, ducking back into the shadows.

"Get the fuck offa me!" Billy slurred. "G' on, fuck off!" He shoved at the person hovering behind him.

Bodie sighed and backed away from him. "You gone, man, go sleep it off."

Billy flipped him off and staggered over to the stairs. "Don't need nobody," he mumbled, nearly falling over.

"You're bleedin', Billy. For god's sake, man," Bodie muttered.

Beth stepped out of the shadows, a determined frown on her face. "I'll get him upstairs," she said.

"What?" Bodie stared at her. "Uh..."

"Beth," she reminded him. "It's ok, honest. I'll get him upstairs."

"Ya sure?" he eyed her, one eyebrow raised at the idea.

"Mhm, go on, I need to lock up." She crossed the room to Billy, who was swaying drunkenly on the stairs, a trickle of blood running down his neck.

Bodie shrugged and left, the door closing with a dull thud. Beth locked it and walked over to Billy's side. She rested her hand on his arm tentatively. Billy shrugged her off, stumbling forward again.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" he shouted, tripping up the next step.

"You stubborn jackass," Beth scolded him. It was hard to fear him when he could barely make it up the stairs. "You were drinkin' and got fightin' huh? Yeah that sure helps Joe right now."

Billy sniffed and held onto the railing. "Shaddup," he swayed up the stairs with her.

Beth gradually got him into the bathroom. "Sit," she said, nodding to the bathtub ledge.

"M' fine," he closed his eyes, yawning. "Jus' bumped m' head a lil', m' ok."

Beth bit her lip. He was slurring worse. "Uh huh, here, hold still," she touched his shoulder, tugging at his heavy leather coat. With his help, she stripped the jacket off. Gently, she peeled the neck of his shirt down, tsking at the sight of the bruising and cuts.

"Y' know, rough sex can be dangerous," she checked his head over, noting the thin cut above his ear.

"What?" he blinked at her, his eyes heavily rimmed with red. "You makin' fun o' me?"

"Never," Beth washed her hands and took a few things down from the cabinet. "Those cuts need cleaning." she grabbed the bottle, bandages and cream.

Billy edged back from her. "No! M' fine, don't...I don't need nothin'."

She stared at him for a moment and then smiled a little. "Aww, c'mon you big baby, you're scared of rubbin' alcohol, are you?"

He glared at her, huffing in annoyance. "I ain't scared o' nothin'!"

"Yeah, so that's why you're wincing an' trying to escape me right now?" she wet a hand towel and wiped it over the side of his head.

Billy hissed, jerking back from her. "Oh, calm down, for the love of Pete," she murmured, wiping the blood away from the cut.

Beth cleaned the various cuts, rinsing the cloth a few times. She spread the cream over the cuts and pressed a Band-Aid over the larger wounds. Billy held completely still, his body stiff and uneasy. She hummed under her breath, slipping the neck of his shirt back in place.

"You live too damn rough, you know that?" Beth moved her hand to the back of his neck, tracing the outline of the tattoo that crept along his skin. She rubbed her fingers along the intricate twirls of black ink, rubbing the tensed muscles.

Billy made a choked sound in his throat. "D-Don't..."

"Don't what?" she kneaded the muscles, working her fingers along his neck. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah..." he trembled under the gentle touch, his hands shaking. "Stop...Stop, Beth."

"Why?" she pressed down harder. She'd never seen him so unguarded, so completely open. "You're so damn tense. Relax, ok?"

Billy made to move away from her, his breaths coming in fast gasps. "No...No, don't!"

Beth let go as he moved off the tub ledge. "No, no, don't ya dare fuck with me!" Billy raged, his chest hitching faster. "Don't..."

She moved to the sink and began putting the items away to hide her shaking hands. "I'm sorry. I only wanted to help."

"Don't...I don't need, I don't want," he stuttered, his face flushing a dark red. "Get out! Get the fuck out, ya fuckin' bitch!"

Beth blinked, her eyes prickling. Hot tears gathered under her eyelids. She nodded and fled the room, confused and frustrated.

XX


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Watching Him 3/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

It was with great reluctance that Beth checked on Billy the next morning. On one hand, she was furious with herself and him, on the other, she was greatly worried that he might still be angry enough to fire her. She tied her hair back with quick movements, a small frown creasing her forehead. With a sigh, Beth made her way up the stairs, resigned to dealing with the aftermath of Billy's freak out.

She pushed the door open when there was no response. Billy lay sprawled across the bed. He'd managed to take his boots, jeans and shirt off and now he was clad only in his shorts. He was frowning deeply in his sleep, his hands gripping fistfuls of the sheets beneath him.

She crossed herself, thankful that he was still alive. She'd been sure that he'd suffered a concussion. She opened the window, sneezing from the smoke that lingered in the room. Billy sighed and rolled over, the bruising on his neck visible then.

Beth edged closer to the bed, biting her lip. "Billy..." she whispered.

He grunted, tugging the sheet over his head. "G' out," he mumbled.

She took another step closer to the bed. "Sir," she touched his shoulder very carefully. "It's Beth."

He opened his bloodshot eyes, glaring at her. "What part o' get the fuck out is unclear?"

"Your head...you've got cuts, I need to check them. They could get infected."

Billy curled back up. "I don't give a shit. Get outta here."

Beth breathed in deeply, gathering her courage. "No, not until you let me check. Stop bein' so damned stubborn for once."

He stared up at her, speechless in his outrage. "Oh, you'd best watch who you're talkin' to. If you wanna keep breathin', you will get...the...fuck...out," he said slowly.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I am not afraid of you, Mr. Darley. My own Daddy was a bigger asshole than you. Roll over an' let me see!"

Billy sat up with a growl. He loomed over her as he stood, cold eyes staring her down. "Or else?"

"Or else nothin'," she huffed. "You wanna get infected? Even big, bad gang leaders can die from infections."

"Fuckin' nag," he sat back down grudgingly. "A' right, hurry the fuck up an' do it."

Beth shook her head. She checked his cuts over, taking the extra effort to not touch him more than necessary. He held still for her when she left and returned with the creams and new bandages. As soon as she stepped away, wiping her hands clean, Billy moved off the bed and began tugging his clothes on.

"Sir..." she looked down at the floor, "Is Joe..."

Billy paused, his jeans half done up. He silenced her with a fierce glare. She felt heat creep up her neck and she turned away, embarrassed. Beth gathered the first aid items and left the room, aware of his gaze following her.

XX

"Aww, don't be so mad, Bethie," Eddie held out the bottle of fabric softener for her. "He ain't like you an' me. Well...he ain't like you. Me, I know where he's comin' from."

Beth slammed the bottle down on the laundry table. "I don't care. He's such an ass! Bodie woulda left him to bleed out on the stairs. He coulda choked on his own vomit! Eddie, he was so drunk he could hardly walk up the stairs." She rubbed a hand over her hair. "And what do I get? A freak out of epic fuckin' proportions when I try an' make sure he doesn't end up infected or worse."

"What, you were expectin' thanks an' gratitude?"

"No, but not to be screamed at either," she said. "He was...it was like he was about to explode. I've never seen him so angry."

Eddie stroked the short gray beard on his chin, deep in thought. "He had a panic attack...He ain't mad, he's embarrassed, Bethie. S' not somethin' a guy like him would want to admit to."

She uncapped the bottle and snorted under her breath, "The legendary Billy Darley havin' a panic attack. That doesn't sound right to me."

"Why not? He's a human, ain't he? He bleeds red blood, right?" Eddie laughed, elbowing her.

"Actually its green and burns on contact," she poured a capful of softener into the wash. "It's not that I don't believe it, it's...hard to picture is all."

Eddie nodded solemnly. "I've known Billy since he was a lil' guy. Worked for his Daddy long 'fore I switched over t' working alongside Billy. He had them freak outs when he was little. He don't like bein' touched, that's for sure."

Beth closed the lid to the washer. "Really...touched at all or...?"

"I figure," Eddie crossed his arms. "I figure, he doesn't like nice touches. His tattoos, it hurts gettin' 'em, depends on ya pain tolerance, but even the toughest wince at neck tats. He's got 'em up and down his neck, down to his shoulders; down his arms...that's a lotta fuckin' ink work. I won't lie, that'll hurt ya."

"So...he'll endure hours of needle pain but flinches and panics when I massage his neck?"

Eddie smirked a little. "Rubdowns won't get ya a pay raise, Bethie."

"Shut up or I'll soak your fat head," Beth shoved at him. "Move, will ya? I have to take the dry ones out. I wasn't 'rubbing' him down. He was tense an' hurting. I started rubbin' his neck to calm him down and he spun, screaming and swearing at me."

"So he freaked after you touched him, yeah that'd be right. He doesn't understand gentle touchin'; you think for one second that anyone ever gave him a hug?"

Beth frowned. "What about all the girls? He's always got some girl with him. He pays some of them."

"Girls like that, they ain't there for lovin' and kissin', Bethie," Eddie plucked the box of dryer sheets and offered her one. "They don't love him, they don't even like him. They want drugs or money, nothin' more than bein' able to say they were fucked by him."

She sighed. "How can he even live like this? Never being loved, never loving anyone. It's not right."

"He loves Joe, guess that's all he needs," Eddie shrugged.

"If he loved him, he wouldn't have forced him to do that stupid...ritual," she huffed. Beth threw the cling sheet into the dryer and slammed the door shut. "And for what? Some boy dies and Joe's in jail. He's lucky that car didn't kill him."

"Bethie," Eddie hugged her close, comforting her as best he could. "You don't know what they go through, I ain't much better, an' I've done shit that I ain't proud of when I was young. It's what they do, ya can't expect better from him."

Beth rested against Eddie, blinking back the tears that stung and prickled under her eyelids. "It's not right," she whispered again.

"Yeah, yeah I know," he murmured, rocking her in his big arms. "I know."

XX

Beth picked up bits of information from the men in the bar and from the television reports. Joe had been transferred to the nearest jail, after the doctors had deemed him fit for release, awaiting his trial. The father of the boy that had been killed, Nick Hume, Beth grieved for him. It didn't matter how much death and suffering she'd seen over the years. The clips on the television in the bar showed anguish in his eyes that ran bone deep and for that, Beth spent an extra few minutes each day praying for him and his family.

Billy spent his days in the bar, drinking silently. He did his rounds, sold what they were given by Bones and met with a few of their contacts. Beth avoided him as much as she could. She felt the strength of his gaze on her whenever she ventured out into the open area. She kept to herself, more so than usual.

"You gonna stand there mopin' all day or are you gonna help me with the shipments?" Sammy nudged her, a box cradled in his arms.

"Hm? Oh shit, yeah sorry, Sammy," Beth blinked and put her clipboard away. She followed him to the back room and grabbed the box cutter from the battered desk. "I'm not moping," she added. "I'm thinkin'."

"Uh huh, an' while you're thinkin', I'm strugglin' to unpack everything. C'mon girlie, focus yeah?" Sammy put the box down and stood up, cracking his back. He swore in Spanish, the colorful words bringing a smile to Beth's face. "What? Whatchu laughin' at?"

"You," Beth grinned and dragged the cutter along the box. "Swearing sounds so much prettier in Spanish."

"S' part of my charm, Senorita," he winked at her. "Write the numbers down careful now, Big Bones be comin' to see the papers tomorrow."

"Yessir," she nodded. "Bones..." she wrinkled her nose and bent over the box, unpacking the bottles with great care.

Sammy unhooked the dolly from the wall and wheeled it over to the far door where the rest of the boxes remained. "Uh huh, the big man be comin'. He's some kinda pissed at the boys. Thinks they been skimmin' money off the cuts, an' this shit with Joe...'' he shook his head. ''Billy needs t' steer clear o' Bones."

Beth nipped her lower lip, catching it between her teeth. The last time Bones had gone after Billy, it had been three days before Billy would walk properly. She set the bottles on the work table. "Does he know Bones is comin'?''

''I warned him. I dun like what happens when he visits neither, an' the way he punishes him,'' Sammy unloaded the boxes next to her. ''We like family, y' know? Billy, he's family t' me.''

Beth jotted the numbers down, sighing. ''I wish I could help him...''

"You wanna help him? Then make sure that first aid kit be filled up," Sammy patted her shoulder.

XX

Beth stood in the bathroom the next day, one hand over her mouth. She was shaking, her palms slick with sweat. The low voices carried through the upper level of the Four Roses, anger and raw hatred thick in the air. A sharp crack echoed and a harsh cry was silenced within seconds. Beth closed her eyes, her stomach knotting up hard.

It was horrific, listening to the whistle and crack of a belt being wielded by a man of little decency. It went on, muffled pants and cries from the room at the end of the hall. Beth's shoulders hitched as she strove to calm herself. When the silence came eventually and the booming footsteps down the stairs faded, Beth tucked the first aid kit under her arm and all but ran to Billy's room.

Billy lay on the floor, stripped to his waist. His back gleamed with sweat and blood, large bruises rapidly forming on his skin. Beth closed the door, taking deep breaths to steady herself. She walked over to him, kneeling down at his side.

"Sir," she whispered, undoing the clasp to the kit.

"Get out," Billy hissed. He tensed up, edging away from her despite the pain that the simple movement caused.

Beth tore open the cleaning wipe and reached out, touching his shoulder. "Lay still, Sir, please."

"Get the fuck out!" he shouted, his back arching at the touch of the cloth. He cried out, his hands scrabbling weakly over the floor. "Get out, get out!"

Beth ignored him, cleaning his back as quickly as she dared. The bruises covered most of his back, a few superficial cuts spaced here and there. She guessed they were from the belt buckle digging cruelly into his skin.

Billy let out a small keening sound, his face pressed to the worn floorboard. "No..." he groaned, moving away from her fingers. "S-stop..."

"Shh, Sir, please, I'm almost done. I know...ok, I know it hurts. I'm gonna make it stop hurtin'."

"No..." he nearly whimpered, flinching under the gentle touch.

Beth wiped a mild numbing cream over the largest bruises. She wiped him clean, making soothing sounds while she did so. "It's ok," she murmured. "It'll be ok. It's gonna stop hurtin' soon."

Billy shifted, his head lying on her thigh. He took in slow breaths, his chest hitching with unshed tears. Beth ran the palm of her hand along his smooth scalp, rubbing gently over his neck. He pressed his face into her thigh, trembling under her fingers.

"Don't..."

Beth rubbed her thumb over his neck, tracing one black swirl. "Shh, I'm not hurtin' you, being nice shouldn't hafta hurt, Billy. It doesn't have to...see, this feels ok, right?" she coaxed.

He shuddered and closed his eyes. Beth kept up the gentle stroking until she felt his tremors stop. She touched his cheek, a small bruise on the cheekbone from Bones' slap. She smoothed her hand over his cheek. After a few minutes, it finally set in that he was asleep, that he'd fallen asleep on her.

Beth chuckled, amazed by the fact that she held one of the most feared gangsters in their part of town, safely nestled in her lap, beaten and abused and calmed by her touch. She stroked his neck and head, humming under her breath, afraid to break the spell.

Billy slept for the better part of an hour. He awoke with a start, staring up at her. Beth moved her hand to the side, awaiting the furious explosion. Billy sat up, his body stiff and aching. He ran a hand over his face, composing himself.

"He gone?" he rasped, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Yeah, he left a while ago," Beth looked at the floor, her body tensed.

Billy reached for his sweater and tugged it on, hissing when it scraped along his back. He dug around on the dresser for his cigarettes and lighter. He lit one, his hands trembling. Beth stood as well, gathering the remnants of the kit. She packed them away and straightened her apron.

"Eddie's comin' with some food for you," she murmured.

Billy nodded and walked over to the window, shuffling slowly. He took a long drag on the cigarette, sighing when he exhaled. Beth swallowed and moved away, her hand on the doorknob. Billy looked back at her. He looked scared, she thought for a fleeting moment. Afraid and unsure of himself.

She offered him a slight smile and left the room. She closed the door behind her, pretending she couldn't hear the muffled breaths on the other side, a near silent flow of tears that he'd never show anyone.

XX


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Watching Him 4/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

On the morning of the trial, Beth found the air in the nearly deserted bar to be very heavy, a sense of desperation and underlying fear surrounding them. Billy sat at one of the tables, a bottle of vodka and a carton of orange juice in front of him. He drank some of the mixture from the tall glass in one hand, a cigarette tightly clasped between two fingers on his other.

The men were gathered around the table, sitting in silence. Bodie stubbed out his cigarette in the glass ashtray, exhaling loudly. The noise was almost obscene in the otherwise silent room. "We oughta go. He'll see us when they bring 'im in."

Baggy nodded. "Yeah, he ain't goin' down without seein' his brothers first."

Beth caught a glimpse of the ugly sneer on Billy's face before the others did. She turned away, wiping the bar counter down. Billy slammed his glass down, the thud echoing. He glared at each of them.

"Brilliant fuckin' idea. We go, the cops see us, you dumb shits," he jabbed his cigarette into the ash tray. "We can't fuckin' waltz in an' say 'hey, how the fuck are all you law abidin' citizens doin'?', now can we?"

"Joe's our boy, we hafta go," Bodie sat back, nodding at him.

Billy grunted and looked away. For a brief moment, he locked eyes with Beth. A yellowing smudge on his cheekbone was the only remainder of the beating he'd endured, the moment they'd had together as she comforted him. She lowered her gaze respectfully and busied herself with wiping the counter again.

"Fine," he downed the rest of the drink and got up, tugging his black leather coat on. "The fuck you all waitin' for? Let's go."

Billy glanced at Beth as he walked past the length of the bar, his eyes as unreadable as ever. She nodded, her heart beating harder. Something was wrong, she could feel it again, stronger than before.

Sammy crossed himself after they left, mumbling to himself. She caught only part of it, a shiver running down her spine. It sounded like a prayer.

XX

Eddie burst into the bar a few hours later, his face flushed. "Bethie!" he hollered. "Where are ya, girlie?!"

"Hush, Eddie, I'm not deaf yet," Beth walked out of the back room, adjusting her apron. "What's up?"

Eddie leaned against the wooden bar, panting. "The guy, the fuckin' guy dropped the case. Joe's free."

"What?" Beth ran over to him. "What'd you say?"

"He dropped the fuckin' case. Said it was too dark to be sure who did it," Eddie took a black handkerchief out of his pocket and mopped his face with it. "Billy's bringin' him back here t' celebrate."

"But...why? I mean, he said it was Joe from the beginnin'," she frowned. "Why would he change his mind now?"

Eddie shrugged and pocketed the handkerchief. "Who cares? Joe's free now, he's comin' home. C'mere girlie, don't look so glum, eh?"

Beth leaned against him, accepting the hug. She stared worriedly over at Sammy. There was no relief in his eyes either.

XX

Beth gathered the various bottles late that night, stacking them on the tray. She sighed under her breath as she cleared the tables. Spink had left hours before, his strung out girlfriend hanging on his arm. Jamie and Baggy sat there still, laughing and cheering with Joe every so often. She read the look on Joe's face and sighed again.

She carried the tray full of bottles back to the tiny kitchen, rinsing them out one by one. She placed them in the recycling bin in the stock room, an issue she had stood firm on with Sammy and Billy. The amount of bottles they went through was unreal, she mused as she filled the large bin.

"Hey, you, uh..." Bodie poked his head into the stock room.

"Beth," she rolled her eyes and glared at him a little. "Can't you remember four letters, Bodie?"

He had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed. "Yeah, Beth, right. Need ya out front here."

She set the load of bottles remaining off to the side. "Jesus give me strength," she muttered. "Can it not wait five minutes? You got waitresses for servin' you."

"Nah, it's Billy, he don't want the girls, and he wants you. Don't make this hard. Jus' do what he wants an' we all get on fine."

Beth wiped her hands. "I swear, he's gonna give me gray hair," she followed him back out, stopping short when she saw Billy by the table. She exhaled and walked over to him. "Sir," she said, carefully neutral.

Billy grabbed her wrist, tugging her closer. Beth winced. The stink of Jack Daniels was heavy on his breath. He yanked her flush against him, breathing her in. He leaned in, mumbling under his breath. Beth rested her hand over his and rubbed her thumb along his knuckles. Billy tensed for a second and then let go of her, startled by her touch.

"You jus' don't know how to say what you want," she whispered in his ear. "You can't force me, Billy Darley. Not the way you want."

Billy swallowed then, the raw emotion in his eyes visible for a few seconds. "Shut up."

She held his gaze, her heart pounding furiously. "Yeah, you remember that, **Sir." **With that, she walked away, her legs shaking all the way back to the bar.

Billy grabbed Joe not long after and propelled him out of the bar, loudly exclaiming that he'd bought him a present for the night, the gift of a girl who'd show him a good time. Beth glared at Billy's back, seething inwardly at his attitude.

XX

Beth approached the Four Roses the next morning, exhausted and weary from a sleepless night. She rubbed a hand over her face, yawning quietly. The rest of the night had been difficult to say the least. She had felt the weight of Billy's stares on her, the curious glances from the others and the silent brooding of Joe before he'd been taken out for the remainder of the night. She'd been more than eager to leave early.

She dug her keys out and unlocked the door. She turned a few lights on, yawning again.

"Oh for the love of fuckin'..." Beth stared at the mess before her. She counted to twenty to keep from screaming.

There were bottles all over, joints and cigarettes stubbed out in the various ash trays. Empty take out containers, spilt food, plastic plates and forks, lighters, and rolling papers covered several of the tables. Beth let her purse fall to the floor, her hands twitching.

"Animals, every last one of them," Beth tied her hair back, her fingers shaking furiously.

As she cleaned, she cursed them under her breath. Billy stomped past her while she carried the second garbage bag out to the dumpster, a lit cigarette clamped between his lips. His backpack firmly in hand, he breezed past her, a trail of smoke on the air behind him.

Beth tossed the bag into the dumpster, her back aching from the strain. She relocked the doors surrounding the bin. Billy paused by his car and looked back at her, a tense moment between them. Beth swallowed her pride and nodded to him. She walked back to the bar, wondering exactly when his treatment of her had started to hurt.

XX

Midway through the morning, Beth found herself in a still empty bar. She sat down on one of the stools, sipping her glass of orange juice. She drank half of it, the clock ticking loudly in the silent room.

"Bethie," Sammy let himself in not long after, "Mornin', girlie."

Beth held up her glass. "Morning. You shoulda seen this place first thing, Sammy, I swear I nearly screamed."

"I figured," he shook his head and walked behind the bar. "That was some celebratin'. You'd think them boys won the lottery insteada gettin' lucky on a murder charge."

Beth snorted into her glass. "Where is everyone? This place is deserted."

"I dunno," Sammy frowned. "Billy leave already?"

"Yeah, maybe an hour ago while I was cleanin'. It's...weird, y' know? By now I got Jamie moochin' drinks of straight orange juice or Baggy, he brings Tammy in for her shifts..." she sipped the last of her juice, "But today, no one."

"Maybe they're meetin' up or at the labs?" Sammy shrugged. "I dunno. Guess so."

"I suppose," Beth slid off her stool and walked around the bar, rinsing the glass out. "Whatever it is...it doesn't feel right."

Sammy handed her a ten dollar bill. "Stop thinkin' an' go get us some breakfast, eh? From the bakery on Fourth, tell 'em Sammy sent ya, the lady there likes me, she'll slip ya extra."

"Yessir," Beth tucked the bill into her jeans pocket. She slipped her apron off and folded it neatly. "If they come by, keep an eye on them. I don't wanna be cleanin' up two messes this early in the day."

"Yes'm," he dropped a wink at her. "G' on now, I'm hungry."

Beth slid her purse over her shoulder and nodded. "Yeah, you're wastin' away, I can see each rib." She laughed as she walked out of the bar, out into the late morning sunshine. She felt some of her worries fade away, the constant nagging feeling drifting on the light wind.

"It'll be ok," she said aloud. "It will..."

XX

In the moment before Billy slammed the front door open, an unimaginable grief in his eyes, in the slightest second ahead of him grabbing the door handle, Beth paused by the back of the bar, cloth in hand. She held still, her skin covered in goose bumps. In that moment, she was certain that something had gone horribly wrong.

The slam of the door opening startled the few people inside. Sammy's hand lingered under the bar ledge, straying near the loaded gun he kept there. Billy looked over at them, eyes wild, and a sick twist of his lips curving up. He shuddered and let the door slam shut behind him.

"Billy..." Sammy stepped up behind the bar.

"J.D," Billy rasped. He gripped the bar ledge, his fingers white and tensed.

Sammy poured a tall shot of whiskey for him. Billy downed it, his eyes watering. "Again," he demanded.

He filled the shot for him again, exchanging nervous looks with Beth. Billy downed the shot with a harsh, guttural gasp. He shoved the glass back and stumbled towards the stairs without another word. Beth fingered the cross around her neck.

"Sammy..." she whispered, "God...I was right."

Sammy crossed himself, praying inaudibly. "Is big...this is big, too big. His eyes, they be dead."

"It's Joe, I know it," Beth dropped the cloth on the counter. She walked away from the bar on impulse and headed upstairs.

"Bethie, what the fuck? You get back down here," Sammy called after her. "Don't be chasin' him; there ain't no good in that."

She waved one hand at him. "He's still human," she hissed, "Ganglord or no."

Sammy snorted in disgust and shook his head. "Damned stupid girlie," he muttered.

Beth crept up the stairs, her heart pounding. She crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing her elbows. Billy's bedroom door was open, creaking a little in the draft. Beth stepped into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"Sir?"

Billy stood by the window, his fists clenched, raw fury on his face. "He's dead," he whispered hoarsely, "He...last night. Someone stuck 'im."

Beth closed her eyes for a second, the words a punch to her stomach. "Joe...God."

He made a sound, the noise caught in his throat. "They found 'im this mornin'. I was lyin' here sleepin' while he was bleedin'."

"Don't, don't you do that, don't you be blamin' yourself," she whispered. Beth approached him slowly, wary of his reflexive temper.

Billy leaned against the window pane, his chest hitching. She touched a hand to his upper arm, the long black sleeve covering his decorated skin. He flinched back from her violently. "Don't!"

"Sir...Billy, its ok, I won't hurt you." She moved closer to him. "I told you, bein' gentle doesn't hafta hurt."

"Nothin' good ever stays," Billy said after a moment. He swallowed, staring out the window. "Anythin' good hurts ya in the end. He's all the good I had an' I got nothin' now."

Beth moved her hand down his arm, giving him the chance to pull away. When he didn't, she curled her fingers with his, her hand resting over his. He sighed, his resistance wavering. A long moment stretched out before he turned his hand to the side, holding her hand in his, their fingers entwined. Beth rested her head to his arm, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping at the tear with her free hand. "He was a good boy; it shouldn't have ended like this."

Billy nodded, his jaw clenched. They stood together silently, watching the sunset through the window.

XX


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Watching Him 5/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

It was only for a moment that Billy would allow the reluctant touch of Beth's hand to his. He made a sound, another of misery and tugged his fingers loose from hers. With a muffled sniff, he turned away as the sun set.

"Billy, I…" Beth flexed her fingers, scarcely able to believe that he had allowed the small gesture.

"Jus' go," he grunted. "Place ain't gonna clean itself."

She frowned and took a step towards him. "You're not alone; you don't need to grieve alone."

"Christ, you don't know when t' quit!" Billy snarled as he turned back to face her. "Get out; get the fuck away from me! I don't need ya, I don't need nobody! I got nothin', now get…the…fuck…out!" he raged at her.

Beth flinched, new tears threatening. "Everybody needs somebody eventually," she whispered, "Even you."

Billy fisted one hand and smashed the glass window pane. Beth flinched again, gasping. "D-Don't…your hand!"

"I don't need anybody, do you hear me, you numb, fucking cunt? Do you fucking hear me!" he shouted, advancing towards her, blood trickling over his fingers.

Beth covered her mouth with one shaking hand. "I'm sorry," she backed away from him, "Billy…Sir…"

"Get out," he hissed. "Jus' go."

Beth fled the room, the door slamming shut behind her. She leaned against the wall, muffling her panicked cries with her hand. His eyes…The rage in his eyes…

She took in several shallow breaths, the tears sliding down her cheeks. Through the door, she could hear him, the same shuddery breaths after every visit from Bones. She ached for him, grieved for him in the hallway, away as he'd demanded.

X

The shouts echoed through the bar, the sound of a glass smashing against the wall the next morning. Beth cringed, listening to Billy berate the members of his gang. She stayed back by the kitchen, her heart pounding.

Sammy passed the new glasses to the waitress, loading the tray. "Go easy," he cautioned her. "Stay low, y' hear?"

Tammy nodded. "Yessir," she murmured, walking away from the bar ledge.

Billy paced nearby, rubbing one hand along his smooth scalp. "…No, he was better than you!" he shouted at Bodie, his whole frame shaking.

Beth bit her lip, listening to them snap back and forth. She fidgeted with her apron, ducking out of his sight. He snatched the newspaper off the bar and held it out, a cold, bitter and mocking smile curving his lips.

Tammy walked away from the men, a nervous pull to her face. Beth offered her a small smile from the doorway. Baggy grabbed her elbow, startling her. He pushed the newspaper in front of her.

"This the guy?" he demanded, "The one hangin' around the buildin's?"

"Yeah," Tammy nodded, Baggy's fingers gripping her elbow a tad too tightly. "Yeah, that's him."

Beth breathed out, her heart skipping a beat. The man in the picture...the father of the boy Joe had killed. She darted a glance to Billy, dread filling her.

"Up, now," Billy stood without looking to the others.

They followed behind him obediently, one by one until the bar was nearly empty again. Sammy shook his head and wiped his hands with a rag cloth.

"S' nothin' but bloodshed, Bethie, an ain't no good ever coming outta vengeance."

"Mr. Business Man oughta run," Tammy slid the tray along the bar. "He oughta run now while he still can."

X

Beth knelt in Billy's bedroom, a thin knife clasped in one hand. She flicked the stray hairs that had escaped from her ponytail back with annoyance, her concentration set on the task before her.

With the blade, she carefully cut away the stripping around the old windowpane, letting the strips of wood and caulking fall to the floor. She wiggled the remaining glass shards loose from the frame, her heart pounding uncomfortably all the while.

She couldn't help the worry, couldn't keep the fear back. Billy Darley wasn't known for patience or understanding, she sighed inwardly. That man, Nick Hume...She stood up and grabbed her broom and swept the shards off to the side with a scowl. On one hand, she raged for the loss of Joe, a boy she'd known since he was barely a teen, and yet, yet she could feel the same helpless rage that Nick Hume must have felt as his son died.

"Now what did those pieces ever do t' you, huh, Bethie girl?"

Beth smiled a little as she swept the shards into the dustpan. "They got in Mr. Darley's way, y' see," she said. "Where you been hidin' Eddie?"

"I'm here, I'm there," Eddie shrugged, "Been workin' with Bones in the chop shop. Told 'im 'bout Joe this mornin'."

"Oh?" she knelt again, wiping a soft cloth along the frame once more.

Eddie crossed the room, his fingers trailing along the scarred dresser top. "Yeah, he don't seem t' care, t' be honest. Never was no father of the year, so it ain't a surprise."

"Bastard," she muttered. She dropped the cloth and picked up the thin glass section from a box nearby. "Joe was his son; you'd think he'd be at least a little upset."

"You'd think," Eddie echoed. "Maybe he does an' he ain't showin' it. Nobody knows wit' the Darley's."

She slipped the glass piece in with slow, precise movements. Eddie watched over her, nodding in approval. "Billy do that?"

"Uh huh, last night," she sat back, checking the frame.

Eddie passed her the caulking gun. "A reason for it?"

She bit her lip, her hand shaking for a moment. "He was upset with me, and...And well, he'd only just heard about Joe."

"With you? I thought I told ya, rubdowns ain't the best idea. He's only gonna freak out more, Bethie."

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't this time. Ok, so I did come up here, but god damn it, he's human, Eddie! He...it's like he won't let anyone comfort him."

Eddie stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Ya think anyone ever comforted him? He's never gonna understand an' think the way you do, you gotta accept that."

"I only wanted to ease the pain for him," she whispered, her eyes stinging. She blinked and lifted the gun up, filling the frame with steady hands.

"What'd you do?"

Beth wiped the nozzle of the gun off, avoiding Eddie's curious gaze. "I...I held his hand," she mumbled.

"Held...his hand?" Eddie's nearly gray eyebrows rose up in stunned surprise, "Billy, as in, Bones' son, Billy?"

"Yes," she snapped. "An' he let me! At least for a few minutes..."

"I'll be damned..."

Beth gathered the caulking gun, dustpan and broom. "Yeah, I know." She looked over at his unmade bed and sighed aloud. "Eddie...talk to him, would you?"

"Talk? About what exactly?"

"Anything," she set the items over by the door and gathered up Billy's sheets and blanket. "Whatever men say to each other in situations like this."

He snorted and laughed. "Uh huh, yeah ok, Bethie."

"They've been gone for hours," she fussed. "I hate this! God only knows what they're doin' right now."

"Ya don't wanna know, Beth," Eddie said, his face solemn and sad. "Honest."

"Maybe its better that I don't."

X

Beth left the bar in the early evening, grateful for the time off. She walked down the street, her head down as she moved. She held her bag to her side, unnerved by the quiet air around the bar.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up at the sound of familiar tires screeching by. Beth looked back in time to see Billy's car swerve up to the sidewalk, a heavy music beat pounding from the vehicle. She swallowed and tilted her head, peering into the passenger side.

"Sir?"

Billy leaned in, something strange and alert in his face. The look made her want to run, made her want to lean in and comfort him somehow.

He took the cigarette from his mouth, letting it dangle between two fingers on the steering wheel. "Get in."

Beth felt her stomach twist. "I...No, thanks, I don't live that far," she said, taking a step back on the sidewalk.

He slipped his sunglasses off and stared at her. "Get in."

"Honest, I'm fine, Sir."

"Beth," her name sounded foreign on his lips. "Get in. C'mon, I ain't gonna kill ya. Jus' get in."

She approached the car warily and slipped her purse off her arm. She opened the door and slid into the seat, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She snapped the seatbelt on hurriedly. Billy tucked the cigarette back between his lips, tugged his sunglasses back on and roared away from the sidewalk, music blaring still from the c.d. player.

He glanced at her as he drove, his eyes guarded, shielded from her by the sunglasses. Beth picked at the strap of her purse, her stomach twisting and dropping as they made their way across town.

"Sir..."

Billy flicked his cigarette out the window. "Billy," he muttered.

"Pardon?"

He turned a corner, off the main road then. "None o' that 'Sir' shit. Billy's fine."

She blinked. "Uh, ok, Si- um, B-Billy, where are we goin'?"

"Office," Billy pitched the rest of the cigarette in the ashtray, exhaling a plume of smoke near the window. "Know what I mean?"

"Yessir," she said. "I...yes, Billy," she corrected at his annoyed glance.

He grunted and slowed the car, stopping in front of a dilapidated building. Beth looked out the window, her breath catching. She shivered. The building looked haunted.

Billy cut the engine, the music shut off abruptly. Beth undid her seatbelt and got out of the car, clutching her purse in both hands. "Billy, are you real sure you want me here? I..."

He got out of the car, a briefcase in his hand. Beth shivered again. Billy nodded to the stairs. "C'mon," he strode past her, his long legs covering the distance in a few seconds.

Beth bit her lip, following behind him. She went up the cracked cement steps, the metal doors clanging shut behind them. She followed him blindly, their footsteps echoing through the abandoned asylum. The rooms were filthy with disuse, the wood rotting in some areas, the windows cracked and broken in many different panes. She darted a quick glance to his hand, noting the grimy cloth that was knotted around it.

Billy led her up the stairs, each one creaking under the weight of their feet. He stopped in one doorway, muted red light spilling out, dimly illuminating him. Beth kept her eyes on the ground as she moved and gasped when she bumped into him.

"S-sorry."

He turned away, the corners of his mouth lifting the smallest bit in acknowledgement. "S' fine," he gestured to the room. "In here."

Beth stepped into the room. She looked up at the long windows, the red stained glass a marvel of reflective panes. "Oh..." she parted her lips, a breathy sound of surprise.

Billy set the briefcase down on the nearest chair. "Like it?"

"It's beautiful. Eerily beautiful," she murmured. "This is your office, hm?"

"Uh huh," he nodded. He sat down on the other chair and shrugged his long, black coat off. "S' quiet here, no one else, y' know?"

"Yes," she touched one pane, a smear of dust on her thumb. She looked over at him, her stomach flipping anew. She wiped her thumb off on her jeans and walked over to where the chairs were scattered, not far from the altar and pews of the chapel.

Billy opened the suitcase with his good hand. He bit back a cringe, his other hand paining him still. Beth sat on the chair across from him. She set her purse on the ground, watching him with much intrigue.

"You found that?" she asked.

"Y' could say that."

She swallowed the reflexive annoyance. "You mean you stole it."

He pushed his sunglasses off and glared at her. "What's the difference?"

"The fact that you don't see a difference, good Lord," she sat back in the chair, her initial panic fading. "There's a big difference, Billy. Stealing, it's not ok."

"I don't need no lectures, thanks very fucking much," he snapped

Beth opened her purse, pulling out a clean handkerchief. "Calm down, will you? You've already hurt your hand today as it is. Let me see it."

"No!"

She moved off the chair and knelt down near him. She rested her hand to his arm carefully. "Yes, c'mon now, you know I won't hurt you, so there's no reason to freak, right?" she coaxed.

He hesitated, his arm tensed under her light touch. "Yeah..." he said, holding his hand closer, "I guess."

"Right," she undid the knot near his wrist and unraveled the cloth. "Oh Billy," she whispered. "Oh god, I knew I should have cleaned this when it happened!"

Billy uncurled his fingers reluctantly. "It ain't that bad."

She sucked in a breath and looked his hand over. The cuts were mostly shallow, a few deeper ones near the sides of his fingers, the skin around them an angry red. "Shit...I don't have anything with me..." she bit her lip, "Does the building have clean water still running at least?"

"Maybe," Billy shrugged.

Beth let go of his hand and stood up. "Where? Which room?"

"Used t' be a bathroom near the end o' the hallway," he said, his attention on the briefcase once more.

She hurried from the room and walked down the hall, finding the bathroom. She wrinkled her nose at the smell and spun the knobs to the taps. To her relief, cold water came sputtering out. She wet the cloth and wrung it out. Beth took a step back, looking around the room. She spotted a metal pail under one of the sinks and scooped it up, rinsing it out. She refilled the pail with more water and carried it back to the chapel with her, determined to help him no matter what.

X

Billy sifted through the paperwork that was in the briefcase. He opened the leather wallet, flipping through the sleeves with little interest. He counted the bills inside before closing it. He let his eyes shut, bitter tears prickling under his eyelids. He sniffled quietly and swallowed over the lump in his throat.

"Billy?" Beth set the pail on the floor by him. "Let me see your hand."

He opened his eyes, startled. "I said I was fine!"

"And I say you need a good smack upside your head!" she knelt down; her brown eyes alight with indignant anger. "Stop bein' Mr. Tough Guy an' let me see."

Billy's nostrils flared. "You watch y' self...ah fuck!" he swore, the cold water stinging his cuts, "Stop!"

Beth pressed the cloth down firmly. "No. It needs to be cleaned."

"You're pushin' your luck with me," he fumed.

"Pfft, if you wanted to kill me, you would have," she shot back. "Now shut up an' let me do this! I don't even have the proper things to do it all so water will be it for now. Besides, who else is gonna clean an' look after your ass, if not me, huh?"

Billy grumbled under his breath, but he let her tend to him. She washed his hand as best she could before wrapping the wet cloth around the wounds.

"That'll do for now," she said, her thumbs massaging his palm.

Billy tensed up, his eyes guarded. "Shh," she said, keeping the touch light. "It's ok, me an' you here, no one to see this."

He let out the smallest of sighs, his eyes half closed. "I taught 'im everythin'," he said after a moment, his voice catching. "I...didn't do enough. I lost 'im, he's...m' brother an' he's gone. I wanna, I wanna fucking kill that guy, I wanna fuckin' destroy him."

Beth slipped her thumbs further, massaging his wrist. "Billy," she whispered. "I bet you he feels the same way. You took his boy, he took Joe. So where does it end?"

Billy closed his eyes, sniffing harder. "Don't do that, don't..."

"Don't what? Make you see what you did? Billy...you can't be like this forever. You wanna be like Bones someday?"

"I'm nothin' like him! I'm better!"

Beth pressed her lips together. "Not like this, you aren't."

Billy shook his head. "The fuck do you know?"

"I know you're gonna die like this, fightin' for somethin' stupid, something pointless," she moved up his arm slowly, her thumbs tracing the black swirls that decorated his lower arms. His skin was smooth and somewhat pale, a contrast to the black of his tattoos. "I know it's gonna be a waste."

He tugged his arm back. "Don't," he hissed. "I hate it, don't do it!"

"But you'll have sex with any girl into next week so long as she never touches you gently?"

He sneered at her. "Jealous?"

"Hardly," she said, though her face felt warm. "A mindless, empty fuck isn't my style."

"Yeah well once with me is all it takes t' keep 'em comin' back for more."

Beth snorted softly, "Charming."

"Never heard too many complainin'," he tugged his sleeves down further, covering his skin. He grabbed the wallet and opened it again, blinking fast.

"So, what, you're gonna kill this man?" she got up and sat on her chair, letting her hair down from its clasp, "Then what?"

"Kill his fuckin' family," he spat. Tears gleamed in his cold blue eyes for a moment.

Beth inhaled sharply. "And then what?"

"What?"

"And then what?" she pressed. "What happens after you kill them?"

Billy slapped the wallet down with a thud. "Then I have a fucking drink," he drawled.

"And that'll make you happy?"

He frowned. "Who said anythin' about bein' happy?"

"Exactly," she looked to the stained glass window, the dim red surrounding them. "You won't be happy." She shuddered. The room was bathed in blood, she thought vaguely.

"So?"

"So, everything! Don't you get it? This, this revenge will bring you nothing, Billy. Nothing. It won't bring Joe back. It won't make you happy, so why bother?"

Billy closed the briefcase and pushed it off to the side. "Cause I wanna hurt 'im," he said several minutes later. "I don't expect ya t' understand that."

"But you started it," Beth folded her hands on her lap primly. The way he was staring at her, so primal… She bit down on the inside of her cheek, at once frightened and intrigued.

Billy flicked his gaze over her. "He never shoulda touched Joe."

"You did this, you caused this, and all you can think of is how to hurt the man that you hurt first. Jesus, I feel sick," Beth gestured to the room. "Why am I here?"

"I want ya here, that's why. I pay your check, you do as I say," he snapped. "When I say jump, you fuckin' do it."

Beth stood up, knocking the chair back down. "I don't need this job. You can get any slave to do your cleaning, but I'm done, do you hear me? I'm fucking done with you an' the rest of your gang bangers!"

Billy was up before she could blink, looming over her, his eyes sparking with white hot anger. "You ain't leavin', not till I say! You work for me, no one else, understand?" he grabbed her arms, holding her tightly.

"I...I work for who I want," she managed to say, fear and anger flooding her. "You don't own me. Now...Now let me go, B-Billy."

"Not till y' agree to stay," he demanded, tugging her closer against him.

"Let go!" she struggled in his grip. "Get offa me! I'm not yours, I'll never be yours, damn you!"

He swore fluidly, stumbling a bit to the side. "Beth, knock it off!" he shouted.

She tugged her hand loose and slapped him as hard as she could. Billy's head snapped to the side, her handprint outlining his cheek. He stilled, staring at her in stunned silence.

Beth gasped, horrified. "Oh god...Billy, I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

He swallowed, his skin stinging. Beth raised her hand up, ignoring his flinch. She cupped his cheek gently, stroking the reddened skin.

"Don't..." he choked out, his voice a strained rasp.

"I'm sorry, Billy, I never meant to hit you, I'm so sorry," she whispered, struggling to keep the tears back. "I'm..."

Billy turned his head into the gentle stroke of her fingers, a sound catching in his throat. "Don't..." he said even as he loosened his grip on her other arm, his voice uneven, "I can't..."

Beth held onto him, guilt flooding through her as fast as the simmering anger. He let his eyes drift shut and he leaned down to her, brushing his lips over hers with the lightest of kisses.

X


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Watching Him 6/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

For a moment, all she could feel was the press of his body to hers, his lips brushing over hers. And there was no panic, no fear. Beth shivered. She returned the kiss hesitantly, stunned by his move.

Billy moved his unharmed hand and curled his fingers in her hair, grasping the silky strands. He made a sound, low in his throat and kissed her again, the kiss more demanding.

She ducked back from him. "Billy...what...I..." she stuttered, two fingers touching her lips. Her handprint stood out on his cheek, a dull red, enhanced by the red flood of color in the chapel.

"I...I dunno," Billy turned away. She caught a glimpse of banked fear in his eyes.

"You..." she swallowed, her heart pounding, "You can't make me stay like this...this, that kiss...What are you tryin' to pull, huh?"

Billy leaned against the wall, a muscle jumping in his cheek. "I ain't tryin' nothin," he muttered. "Go if ya wanna, might as well get out while ya can."

She crossed her arms over her chest, shivering again. "Billy..." she sighed, "You can't order people like that. I'm not some gang member for you to control, y' know?"

"So go!" he fisted his injured hand and slammed it against the wall. Dust particles fell to the floor, the wall creaking from the slam. "Get the fuck out then!"

"Damn it, stop hurting yourself!" Beth shouted. She uncrossed her arms, her eyes alight with fury.

Billy pushed off the wall and advanced towards her. "The fuck do y' care if I hurt m' self, huh? Y' don't give a shit, no one does!"

"You brought me here," she reminded him as he loomed over her. "I was tryin' to go home, and...And I care, ok? I fucking care what happens to you, despite your goddamned death wish!"

He stared at her. "Why?"

Beth rested her hand to his hand, lightly touching the makeshift bandage. "Someone has to," she said. "You're so miserable, so angry all the time...someone has to take care of you."

"I don't need no one," he hissed.

Beth's lips curved in the smallest smile. "Yeah, you do. All of you guys do. Runnin' around, hurting people, doin' bad things, that's no life to live."

She moved her hand up slowly, cradling his reddened cheek. He hesitated only a second before pressing his cheek into the gesture. His eyes closed and his shoulders slumped. "Why're y' doin' this t' me?" he whispered harshly.

"Eight years is a long time," she said, smoothing her thumb along his cheekbone. "I see you, I know you, better than you know yourself an' you're drowning, Billy."

Billy opened his eyes, so blue in the dim light. He looked at her, the edges of panicky anger lingering on the surface. "Why do ya stay then?"

"After eight years, by now I know all of you boys so well," she moved up a little, on to her tiptoes. "And maybe I see something in you, something no one else does."

"There's nothin' good about me," he said bitterly.

"If I thought that, I woulda left years ago," Beth pressed up against Billy, her lips brushing his.

He whispered her name and kissed her, both hands plunging into her hair. Beth melted into the touch, feeling every inch of the possessive kiss, the heat from his body, and the fear that lingered in the background.

She returned the kiss, her hands sliding to his shoulders. They parted with a gasp of stunned air, neither scarcely able to believe this was happening. Billy rested his forehead to hers, sighing. "Beth..."

"Don't say it," she whispered, her skin tingling all over. "I'm not leavin'...I won't leave you."

"Y' should," he moved his hands down, holding her hips. "I ain't no good for nobody."

Beth silenced him with another kiss, her tongue meeting his after a moment. He groaned and lifted her up with his good arm, desire flooding him. Beth held on, looking up at the chapel ceiling as he lowered them to the floor.

X

Beth buttoned her jeans with shaking hands, her brown hair hanging in disarray around her face and neck. She closed her eyes, biting her lip at the sound of each inhale and exhale behind her. She smoothed her hair back from her damp skin, braiding it with quick flicks of her fingers.

Billy lay on the chapel floor still, his clothes rumpled, his eyes half lidded. He watched her, desire pooling in his stomach anew. "Rushin' an' regrettin' already, huh?"

She flinched and turned to face him, a guilty flush of color to her cheeks. "No, I...I need to get home. I start early, you know that."

"Beth..."

She knelt down next to him, her hands fidgeting with the sleeve of his black sweater. She traced one tattooed swirl, swallowing over the lump in her throat. "I'm not sorry. I don't regret anything."

"Coulda fooled me," he muttered. He grasped her wrist, tugging her in close. "Doesn't make ya like them girls before. Y' ain't nothin' like them. You're better."

Beth kissed him, her hand sliding along his cheek and down to his neck. He was so warm, she thought absently.

"I didn't bring ya here...tryin' t', y' know," he said between heated kisses. "Y' ain't the type for that kinda thing, Bethie."

She nipped his bottom lip and sat back, her lips kiss swollen. "I know," she said simply. "About the briefcase..." she looked over to the leather case, her stomach churning.

Billy rolled on to his side, digging out his cigarette case. He pulled one out and grabbed his lighter. With a sharp snap, he had the cigarette lit, the lighter tossed to the side. "What about it?"

"Return it," Beth tilted her head away from him, goose bumps creeping along her arms. "Give it back to him, Billy."

"T' who?" he asked, his eyes wary.

Beth let go of his hand and stood up, "To the boy's father."

She grabbed her purse and slipped it over her shoulder. "Do the right thing, for once? No more of this bloodshed."

"Oh, I'll give it back," he snapped, the cigarette hanging from two fingers.

She tightened her grip on her purse. "Billy...Don't be like Bones. You're not your father."

He grunted and got up, sitting in front of the briefcase, his back to her. Beth swallowed once more and walked out of the chapel, tears prickling under her eyelids.

X

"You're late, Bethie girl," Sammy looked up from his newspaper the next morning, eyeing her; "You ain't never late or sick. You ok?"

Beth hurried around the bar ledge and tucked her purse under the locked cabinet. "Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled, "Woke up late."

"Rough night, hey? Here, drink some juice, put a bit a color into them cheeks," he said, pouring her a glass of orange juice.

She grabbed the glass and downed half of it. "I'm fine, I swear," she said. "I...I didn't sleep well."

"When the girlies say fine, they hardly never mean fine," he drawled, giving her a pointed look.

"Well this girl says she's fine, so that's that."

"Uh huh," Sammy closed his newspaper. "Does that kiss on ya neck have anythin' to do with you bein' 'fine'?"

Beth's hand flew to her neck, blushing hard. "I...Damn it!"

He chuckled and draped a towel over his shoulder. "That's some kinda fine. You go an' get ya self a boyfriend an' you don't tell Sammy? That's cold, Bethie, real cold."

"Shut up," she called over her shoulder as she looked in the mirror by the kitchen. She groaned when she saw the mark on her neck, a very visible, dark pink splotch. "He had to mark me one way or another," she grumbled, "Bastard."

"Who's he?"

Beth clasped a hand over her neck self consciously. "God, I don't even have any makeup to cover it! And never mind who, you nosy bugger!"

He snickered and winked at her. "Don't you have work to do?" she glared at him.

"Maybe," he shrugged. "Work in the back if ya wanna stay out here?"

"No!" she said, alarmed. "I...I'll fix up the back after I do the laundry, ok?"

Sammy's smile faded a little. "Bethie, you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"I...Yeah," she nodded and grabbed her apron off the hook by the bar. "Holler if you need me." With that, she disappeared up the wooden stairs, her footsteps echoing for a moment.

X

With each towel she folded, Beth felt her stomach churn. She took slow, even breaths, struggling to keep herself under control. "Why...Why did I let that happen," she whispered, closing the dryer door with a bang.

She could still feel his fingers moving along her back, tracing wide circles over her hips, the ticklish brush of his facial hair on her thighs...Beth bit her lip firmly. "Damn it..."

She scrubbed at her face, her heart beating painfully against her ribs. They'd do something; something was going to happen today, she was certain of that. And when they did, it would be one step too far. Beth lifted up the basket of towels and settled it on her hip, leaving the laundry room with quick steps.

Bodie brushed past her on the stairs, frowning. He had a cell phone tucked under his chin, muttering into the mouthpiece. "...The fuck are ya, dawg? We's s'posed t' meet up an hour ago!"

"Jesus, Bodie, I'm not invisible," Beth snapped as she passed him.

He closed the phone and blinked, startled. "Beth...Yeah sorry, girl, didn't see ya there."

"Obviously," she kept going, her legs aching with each step.

"You seen Billy?"

Beth froze on the top step, a hot wave rushing over her. "W-Why? How would I know where he is?"

Bodie cocked his head, looking at her. "He ain't here. I'm lookin' for him. Thought maybe ya seen him or somethin'."

She exhaled, relieved. "No...No, I haven't seen him," she lied.

"A' right, if ya do, tell the fucker t' call me, huh?"

Beth nodded, a blush creeping along her cheeks. "I will," she said. "And Bodie...don't let him do anythin' stupid, please?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Stupid as in...What?"

"You know what," she hefted the basket up higher on her hip. "It's enough blood, Bodie..."

"Don't be talkin' 'bout what you don't know, girl. Ya stick t' your job, we'll stick t' ours."

She pressed her lips together and nodded sharply. "Right, thanks for the reminder." She turned and walked down the hallway, suppressing the instinctive rage at his dismissal.

X

Beth stood in the middle of Joe's room, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. The room was cold, frigidly cold. She looked to the mostly bare walls, nothing but a few random posters tacked up here and there. She wrinkled her nose, tears stinging her eyes. She'd helped him put the posters up years before, teasing him and telling him ever so carefully that his taste in music was sub par.

"Hey Joe," she murmured, hugging herself.

With a sigh, she uncrossed her arms and began collecting his things. She packed away some of the clothes that he'd left there, the cds, ones full of angry music and melancholy lyrics, and his books.

Beth ran her fingers along the spine of one, a tear escaping. He'd loved his books. Joe had hidden them from Bones, knowing the wrath he'd face otherwise. She opened one faded notebook, tracing the scribbled words in his journal.

The words and thoughts were scrawled across the paper, messy with some badly misspelled. Neither boy had lasted very long in school; Bones had taken them out early on. She read a few sentences, smiling faintly as Joe rambled on about a scrawny cat that he'd found hanging out behind the bar when he was ten or so.

Beth closed the book abruptly. "I'll keep some. No reason to throw them all out," she said to the empty room.

The door creaked behind her, swaying just the smallest bit in the draft. She smiled, wiping at the stray tears with the heel of her hand. "Yeah, I know, cryin' an' being too girly for you," she whispered.

She resumed cleaning out his room, packing away the evidence that anyone had ever lived in the small room.

X

"Bethie? Eddie's here to see ya, girlie," Sammy said, poking his head into the back room.

"Mhm, send him in," Beth nodded absently, a clipboard clutched in one hand. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, a flash of Billy's fingers stroking her face catching her off guard. She blinked, shivering at the memory.

Eddie ducked his head as he entered the room, his large frame filling the doorway. "There's the classiest girl t' ever grace this bar."

"Uh huh," Beth rolled her eyes. "Eds, seriously, not now, ok?"

He crossed the room to her and leaned against the wall. He peered out the window before grunting, satisfied. "You ok? Sammy's you been all different t' day."

Beth grimaced, the pencil hovering over one of the lines. "I said I was fine, I still am," she said through clenched teeth. "Don't you people have jobs? Isn't there somethin' else you could be doing?"

"I am, I'll have ya know," Eddie shook a cigarette loose from his pack, lighting it with a match struck off his thumb. "Waitin' for Billy an' his boys't' get back. Gotta report t' Bones later an' I got the boys their shipments. I'm killin' time, is that ok wit' you?" he raised his eyebrows.

Beth sat down on her step stool, one hand over her face. "I'm sorry, Eddie, honest. I don't…I didn't mean to be all bitchy on you."

"S' fine," he quirked a grin at her, and inhaled deeply on his cigarette. "M' worried 'bout ya, Bethie. Sammy knows when shit ain't right. He's not stupid an' he knows you got that upset look. Is it Joe? Ya wanna talk 'bout him?"

Beth shook her head. "I'll be ok. It's hard…And we never talked as much as I do with you…but I still miss him. He was a sweet boy under all this gang shit."

"Joe never woulda lasted," Eddie nodded once, his eyes solemn and wise. "Never, no matter how bad Billy wanted him t'. Some jus' ain't right for it."

She toyed with her pencil. "He wanted to be a writer," she admitted after a moment. "He told me that once. I was puttin' him to bed, he was so drunk…I think he was sixteen. He made sucha mess in the bathroom, kept apologizing to me. And when I put him in the room, he started whispering, telling me all sorts of things. In the morning…he wouldn't look me in the eyes."

Eddie flicked the cigarette over one hand, catching the ashes. "Drunk talk yeah, y' say too much I think when the liquors got ya tongue."

"I never mentioned it to him, I figured he'd be upset," she murmured. "Eddie…Eddie, promise me you'll talk to Billy. I'm scared to death for him."

"Bethie…"

"Please," she whispered, on the verge of begging. "He's got the man's briefcase…I can't shake the feelings." She closed her eyes, hot prickles of fear moving down her neck. She hunched her shoulders, shuddering. "He's gonna do somethin' so bad."

"Briefcase..." Eddie echoed, frowning, "The man, as in the boy's father?"

Beth nodded. "He had it with him in the chapel."

Eddie's head snapped up fast. "Hang on. He took ya t' the chapel? The fuckin' office?!"

"Y-Yeah…"

"Billy took ya t' the office…Bethie, what did you do?" he asked, his voice strained.

Bethie averted her eyes. "Nothin', I…I…we argued…I s-slapped him."

He moved away from the wall, striding over to her. "Beth…did he hit ya? I swear t' God, if he hit ya…"

"Eddie, stop," she said, backing away from him. "I'm fine, Billy didn't hit me."

He moved fast, his hand pushing her hair back from her neck. Beth hung her head to the side, trembling. "Don't…"

He touched the mark on her neck with his thumb. "Bethie, you didn't."

She pushed at him with one arm, her voice uneven. "Don't. It…It just happened, ok? I never meant to…We…I care, I can't help it, even when he treats me like I don't exist, I still care!"

"There's no happy endin', Beth," Eddie took a step back and took a drag on his cigarette. "He's a Darley, he ain't never gonna change an' be what ya need, girlie. Don't fool y' self into thinkin' he's different from his daddy."

Beth drew herself up, her back stiff with anger. "Billy is not his father," she hissed. "Damn you for even thinkin' it. He needs someone to believe in him!"

"Bethie, it ain't easy, ok? Y' think I wanna admit that he's incredibly fucked up? I love that kid; he's like one o' my own, damn it! But I see him, an' I know there's not much good left."

She glared at him and turned away. "I don't care what you think. And…and what I do or don't do is none of your fucking business, Eddie!"

"Ya playin' with fire right now. You're gonna get burned, Bethie."

"That's my decision, not yours," Beth dropped the clip board and walked out, fleeing the tension filled room. She grabbed her purse and slipped it over her shoulder, ignoring the shouts from Sammy and Eddie behind her.

She ran into the street, choking on the furious tears in her throat. Too late, she felt the arms slip around her waist, Bodie tugging her off to the side, Billy brushing past them without notice. Bodie clamped his hand over her mouth, his lips close to her ear.

"Shh, don't ya stop him, girl. This ain't nothin' for ya t' see, so ya stay here an' wait."

Beth struggled in his grip, biting furiously at his hand. Bodie held on tighter.

"Stop, it's gonna happen, ya hafta let it happen."

She moaned, the sound muffled by his fingers. Bodie smiled, flashing a bright grin. "We gonna do right by Joe. Y' go on inside now, clear?"

Beth sagged back against Bodie, tears dripping freely down her cheeks. He let go of her and nodded, "Inside now."

She stepped backwards, leaning against the front door of the bar. Billy slid into his car, a gun tucked into the palm of his hand. She crossed herself, praying frantically.

"More blood spilled…" she whispered, the words carried on the light wind, unheard by the men as they left the parking lot.

X


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Watching Him 7/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

She waited, her stomach coiled into a tight ball of hurt and fear. She sat on the bar stool in the back room, her head lowered. Behind her, the noise from the bar was dimmed, a muted wave of noise blocked by the sound of her own shallow breaths.

Beth kept her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling with each passing minute. She swallowed hard, her throat painfully dry. "It's happening now," she whispered.

Somewhere, on some street in a neighborhood she'd only ever seen in the movies, Billy was stalking a family with murderous intent. Beth rested one hand over her necklace, fingering the cross nervously. "Please…God, for once…"

She shivered, imagining the fear, the cries for help that she knew would be echoing around the house, the cries unanswered, for not everything ended like one hoped. She could almost feel the pain and the unrelenting panic.

Beth clutched her necklace and began praying again.

X

They returned with somber faces and delighted eyes, filing into the bar, one after another. Beth hung back in the doorway to the back room, biting her lip. Billy strutted through the door, a lit cigarette clamped between his lips. He looked to the doorway, spotting her in the shadows. He smiled a little and headed over to her, taking the cigarette away from his mouth.

"Hey," he said, looming over her, his scent clouding her senses for a moment.

Beth turned her head to the side. "Don't."

He blinked. "Don't what?" he flicked the cigarette away from them, his bandaged hand moving along her shoulder.

"I know what you did," she hissed, glaring at him. "What you did to his family."

"That what got ya all ruffled up, huh?" he murmured. "Beth, don't be mad, s' what was gonna happen. He killed Joe, 'member?"

Beth pushed at him. "And who killed his son? Let me go, Billy, I don't have the energy to deal with you and your fucking twisted philosophies!"

"Philo-what?" he raised his eyebrows, "The fuck y' on about?"

"Let me go, I have work to do," she sighed, numb with frustration.

Billy smirked and leaned in more, his lips trailing along her neck, ghosting over her skin. "Mm, y' sure ya wanna rush back t' work?" he whispered.

A breathy sigh escaped her. "Billy…don't," she protested weakly. "I…not like this, not here."

"If ya don't regret earlier, then prove it."

She snaked a hand up, gripping his shoulder. "I don't, but please, not here? I…Not in front of everyone, ok?"

Billy grunted, annoyed. "Fine," he let go of her, stealing a quick, possessive kiss, one that left her lips tingling long after he stepped away from her.

Beth touched a hand to her mouth, desire flooding her. She avoided the stares from the men nearby and ducked into the back room, her cheeks pink. She smoothed a hand over her hair, trembling.

"The hell was that, Bethie girl?" Sammy followed after her, the door slamming shut behind them.

"Nothing, it wasn't anythin'," Beth busied herself by lifting up a tray of clean mugs. The glass tinkled, bumping each other as she tried to keep it steady.

"Bullshit is what it is!" Sammy crossed his arms. "Girlie, you don't need none of what he got."

Beth steadied the tray. "I don't need your advice. Or Eddie's for that matter," she said through tightly clenched teeth. "Stay out of it, please."

"The hell I will," Sammy gestured to her. "This ain't no regular gang boy, s' the big one, the dangerous one! Son of Bones motherfucking Darley, Bethie!"

"Well thanks for the reminder," she snapped. "I almost forgot who signs my paychecks."

Sammy crossed himself. "Bethie, you don't need nothin' like that in ya life. Girlie, Billy's good but he ain't no good for ya."

And that was it, her temper snapped. Beth pushed the tray on to the nearest ledge, her face flushed with rage. "My choice, Sammy, it's not yours! Do you hear me? I don't care what anyone thinks. Billy's not the fucking antichrist!"

He sighed. "Bethie girl, don't be like that now, I jus' wanna be sure you don't get hurt, is all."

Furious tears filled her eyes. "You and Eddie, the pair of you…I swear, I could scream. Where's your loyalty, huh?"

"I got loyalty a' right, but I also got some common fuckin' sense," Sammy growled. "An' sleepin' with the boss ain't got no common fuckin' sense t' it."

Beth untied her apron with shaking fingers. "You know what? You can finish this shit tonight. I'm leavin' early."

"Bethie…"

"No! I've…I've had enough for one day," she dropped the apron on the bar stool and shoved the door open, her heart pounding. She weaved past the tables, nearly catching her hip on the pool table, unnoticed by the men playing a round.

X

A crack of thunder boomed, startling Beth out of a restless sleep. She sat up, one hand to her chest. She inhaled hard, her heart pounding. "Jesus..."

She rubbed at her eyes, her shoulders slumped. Sleep had proved elusive once again. Beth tugged her knees up and rested her head to them, watching the droplets of rain flick off the windowpanes. She sighed, the pounding of her heartbeat still echoing in her ears.

A new sound caught her ear, heavy footsteps in the hallway by her apartment door. Beth swallowed, an icy ball of fear growing. She pushed at her blankets and slipped off the bed, padding over to the hall. She tiptoed over to the peephole on the front door, her palms slick with sweat.

With a small groan, she opened the door, leaving the chain lock on. "Sir...I mean, Billy..."

He stared at her, wobbling a little. "Ya left."

"I-I...yeah," she licked her lower lip, unnerved by the flickering emotions in his bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"Y' promised, an' you left," he took a step closer to the door. "Thought y' were different."

Beth inhaled slowly; the scent of Jack Daniels was thick in the air. She wrinkled her nose. "God..." she muttered, "Billy, go home. You're drunk...you drove here, didn't you?"

Billy shrugged, "Maybe. I wanted t' see you."

She closed the door and unlatched it, opening it again to look him over. "Half a bottle this time?" she asked.

He leaned in, his skin damp from the rain. "Half o' this an' half o' that, Bethie, lemme come in, I don't...don't wanna go back t' the Roses. I can't sleep there."

Beth frowned. She wanted to kick his ass back out in the rain. "Alright, but I swear, if you throw up all over, I'm makin' you clean it."

"I don' clean," Billy mumbled. "You clean."

"I clean for a living, that doesn't mean you can make a mess of my home," she chided him, locking the door after he'd stumbled through. "Here," she reached up, tugging at his jacket. "Billy...this is Joe's jacket."

Billy sniffed, nodding. "Seemed right, he's still wit' me, y' know?"

"Yeah...Yeah, I know," she tugged the jacket down his arms and shook the water off it before hanging it up. "Take your boots off."

With some effort, Billy managed to take his boots off. He followed behind her, picking at the bandage around his hand. Beth brought him to the bathroom and unwrapped his hand, ignoring his protests.

She cleaned the wounds again and re-wrapped his hand. "So many scars, Billy," she said, clucking her tongue, "Too many."

"Tells a story, somethin' for each one," he reached for her, pressing his face to her stomach and nuzzling the soft fabric of her nightgown. "But y' ain't interested in the stories. Y' ain't impressed by all that shit."

Beth looked down at him, her eyebrows raised. "I...No, I'm not," she rested her hands to his head, noting that he would need a shave again soon. He shuddered, holding tighter to her. She moved her hands over his head and down to his neck, rubbing gently. "You know why?"

"Why?"

"Cause each one means you either hurt yourself or someone hurt you, and neither one is a good thing."

Billy sniffed again and nodded. "Guess so."

"C'mon, we both need to sleep, Billy. Up."

He let go of her reluctantly and stood up, rubbing at his face with his hand. Beth took his hand, curling her fingers with his. He tensed for a moment before relaxing under the now familiar feel of her touch.

She led him to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. Billy tugged at his sweater, pulling it off with a grunt. He sat down, his scarred and tattooed chest on display. Beth took in a small breath. She'd seen it all before but never this up close.

She rested her hand on his chest, stroking one curved scar with her thumb. "Lie down," she coaxed. "You need to sleep the booze off."

Billy leaned backwards until he was lying next to her. He stretched out, his long body taking up most of her bed. Beth tugged the covers over them and curled onto her side, watching him.

He snaked his arm around her, pulling her closer. "Beth...I don't..."

"I know," she soothed. "You don't hafta say anything. I don't expect anything. Just lie down and sleep, ok?"

"Why do y' care?" he whispered finally. "Why...I don't understand."

"Because I do," she pressed against him, her head tucked under his chin. "I don't know why, but I do. Someone needs to love you."

"Even when I do bad shit?"

"Even then," she touched a hand to his chest again, feeling his heart beat under her palm. "You do terrible things, you did somethin' so bad tonight, but you still need someone to care about you."

Billy held onto her, his heart pounding harder. "I...Bethie, I did somethin' worse t' night."

Beth nodded, icy fear creeping up her spine. "I know, the man, Nick Hume..."

"I shot them, all of 'em."

She closed her eyes, her stomach churning. "Billy..."

"We broke in, Bodie took out the cops in the cruiser," he recited, his voice chillingly empty. "The boys brought them down, the mother...him an', an' his other boy."

She bit her lip hard. "Damn it, Billy. I asked you, I all but fucking begged you not to do this. And for what? Huh? What did she do to you? What did his son do to you? Not a damned thing!"

"Y' don't understand."

"No, you don't," she pulled away from him, her face flushed. "You don't get it and what's worse is you think you're right!"

He reached for her, naked fear on his face. "Don't leave..."

Beth sat back on the bed, wiping at her eyes. "I hate that you do this shit, it's not right, Billy! It's not! I hate the fact that I care so much...it'd be easier to turn a blind eye."

Billy held onto her, his head in her lap. "I don't...Beth, I don't know nothin' else but this."

"You have to want somethin' more, Billy," she rested one hand to his head, massaging his neck. "You hafta want to be different, and it's never gonna happen if you keep this kinda thing up."

He nodded, his eyes closing under the feel of her fingers. "If I was...would ya still care?"

"I can't make myself not care about you," Beth let go and slid down the bed, curling up again. "And I'm still pissed."

Billy kissed her neck, curling his legs around her. "I know y' mad, but I don't wanna be alone t' night," he whispered.

Beth shivered. "Don't. Sleep, Billy. I'm not doing...that...with you while you're drunk."

"Aw, don't be so cold, Bethie, I can make y' feel good."

"I said no. Unless you want to sleep in your car..."

He shook his head. "No, no car," he settled behind her, keeping her flush against his chest. "Y' look real sexy in that nightie though."

Despite herself, she smiled. "Thanks. Now sleep."

X

In the morning, Beth awoke to the sound of muffled retching in the bathroom. She squinted at the clock on top of her dresser and sighed. She heard the toilet flush and then the sound of running water. She sat up and stretched, cracking her back carefully.

Billy appeared in the doorway, his eyes glazed and red-rimmed. "Least I made it t' the toilet."

"Mm, thank god for that. I don't need to be cleanin' that kinda mess this early."

He nodded, leaning against the frame of the door. Beth slipped off the bed, aware of his eyes on her. "Coffee?" she asked, tugging her robe on.

"Yeah, s' fine," he grabbed his sweater and tugged it on. "Y' got a nice place here."

Beth tied the sash to her robe as she walked to the kitchen. "It's decent, small but decent. Rent's a bit high, but most places are." She started the coffee maker and looked in her fridge, pulling a few items out. She had no idea what, if anything, Billy ate for breakfast. "Do you eat in the mornings?" she called over her shoulder. "Or later, I've never seen you...Billy?"

He stood nearby, his thumb touching a dinged silver frame on the bookstand. "This you an' y' Mom?" he glanced at her, the oddest expression on his face.

Beth nodded slowly. "Yeah, a stranger took the picture for us when we at the park. It was the year before my mother died," she said, her voice catching.

"Y' look jus' like her," he murmured, walking away from the picture.

Beth swallowed, turning back to face the kitchen. "Thank you." She swallowed harder to keep her voice even. "Do you eat in the mornings?"

"No," Billy went with her, looking around the kitchen, "Vodka an' orange juice most o' the time."

"Lord..." Beth rolled her eyes. "Billy, that's not even remotely healthy!"

"Orange juice is good for ya, says so right on the carton."

She scowled at him. "Alright smartass, well today there will be no hair of the dog that bit you. Sit," she pointed to the table and chairs along the wall beside the kitchen.

He did so, rubbing one hand over his head. "Fuckin' whisky knocks ya out, man."

"Maybe you should consider slowing down when drinkin', huh?"

"I don't need no advice from…" he started to say.

Beth washed her hands and looked away from him. "Well say it then, Billy," she held her hands under the hot water. "Don't need advice from your cleaning girl, right? Cause what the fuck would I know? I've only been around you guys for eight years."

"Beth…I don't mean it like that," Billy protested. "C'mon, don't get all contrary on me."

She nodded silently and resumed preparing the breakfast. Billy exhaled heavily and got up, walking up behind her. "Don't be like that," he said, resting his hands on her hips. "Y' know you're not jus' some cleanin' girl."

"You act like it. No one else takes care of you fools like me, but I'm invisible," she whispered, mixing the pancake batter with wide, forceful strokes of the wooden spoon.

"I see ya, I always see ya," Billy untied the sash to her robe, his lips trailing along her neck. "An' you're the best thing I know, the only good thin' left."

"Billy," Beth held onto the counter, her chest hitching. "I need to cook…" she protested, hating how fast she caved to his searching fingers.

He tilted her head back, nipping her throat. "Food can wait," he nearly purred.

Beth closed her eyes as she gave in, her earlier anger with him lost in the way he touched her, in the way he held her so carefully against him.

X


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Watching Him 8/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

With a sigh of relief, Beth slipped off her bed, moving with slow, deliberate movements. Billy lay on the bed, sleeping finally, his hands fisted in the fabric of her sheets. She tiptoed to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

She avoided looking at herself in the mirror, knowing damn well the sight she must have looked. She bit her lip as she sat in the bathtub, letting the hot water fill around her. Billy was…something else, she sighed, her whole body aching slightly.

Beth leaned back, resting her head on the ledge. She trailed her fingers in the water, relaxing bit by bit. She closed her eyes, letting her mind wander. Understanding Billy was difficult at best, and his behavior the night before had confirmed her thoughts about him.

She exhaled, dipping her head under the water. Billy needed love, understanding, he needed someone to give a damn about him. She scowled at the ceiling. No doubt Bones hadn't cared, if ever, about either boy. She knew the things that both boys had done in the past; she'd heard the rumors of many hungry nights, and sicknesses that had gone untreated.

She sat up, slicking her wet hair back from her face. It hadn't been a lie, no matter how upset he made her; she did care, too much even. Something about Billy brought out a deep need in her, made her want to help him. She held no illusions of being able to change him, but God, if she could only break through and make him see how pointless this life of murder, death and hate was.

Beth reached for the bar of soap in the nearby dish. She rubbed it between her hands, shivering in the warm water. Billy needed her, she was very sure of that. And she wouldn't be like his father, or like his long dead mother. She wouldn't leave him. Not like they had.

X

"I'll drive ya in, if y' want," Billy knelt down, tugging his boots on, an unlit cigarette tucked behind his ear. He glanced up at her, watching as she braided her hair.

"I'd like that. So are you always this pleasant after sex?"

He smirked and stood up, palming the cigarette from his ear. "Maybe," he said. "An' y' did jus' feed me as well."

Beth rolled her eyes, "Men, so basic. You need to eat more often. And I don't mean a liquid diet either."

Billy shrugged, "Makes no difference t' me."

She turned to face him, watching him closely. "Billy, I'm serious. You're gonna get sick if you don't eat properly."

He tugged his coat back on, a blank look to his face. "Yeah..."

She frowned. It was clear that this was a topic he didn't want to talk about. Beth forced a small smile and picked up her purse. "C'mon then, I need to talk to Sammy before I start today."

Billy nodded, lighting his cigarette as he followed behind her. "I really don't want you smokin' in my apartment by the way," she said, a teasing grin curving her lips.

"Aw, Beth," Billy groaned. He took a long drag and blew the smoke away from her. "I need it."

"You need them like you need another scar," she muttered. "Keep it to a minimum?"

"Nag."

"Stubborn fool," she said, locking the door. "Billy…about last night…"

He eased away from her, taking another drag off the cigarette, "What about?"

Beth pocketed the key, her shoes quiet on the worn hallway carpet. "You came all the way here looking for me. Somethin' must have upset you."

"Y' really hafta ask why I came after ya?" Billy flicked the cigarette, his jaw tensed.

"You're right, that's a stupid question," she murmured. "I suppose I thought it was somethin' more. Never mind then."

He grunted and looked away, the easy banter between them gone. Beth let out a soft sigh and walked with him to the stairs, the bright sunlight greeting them when they stepped outside moments later. Billy winced and pulled out his sunglasses, shoving them on his face in a hurry.

"I'm gonna drop ya off. I gotta meet Eddie soon," Billy mumbled once they were in the car, speeding down the road.

She nodded. "That's fine, Billy." Beth looked down at her lap, twisting her fingers in the strap of her purse. "Did you…"

"What?"

"Did they give you Joe's ashes?"

She could feel the weight of his glare, though it was directed at the road, rather than her.

"No."

"I, oh," she whispered. "That's a shame. We could have had a service…"

The car swerved a little, startling a yelp out of her. "He didn't need no service," Billy snapped. "Our kind doesn't, Beth, thought ya oughta know that by now."

Beth clutched the door handle, her heart beating fast. Billy's rages still frightened her. "That doesn't mean you can't buck tradition once in a while," she ventured. "A simple service, in remembrance…"

"Bullshit," Billy stubbed his cigarette out forcefully into the ashtray. "Fuck that crap."

"Billy…"

"Leave it alone. Jus' fuckin' leave it alone."

Beth looked out the window, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry. I miss him too."

Billy yanked the car over to the side of the road. "Yeah," he leaned over, yanking her against him.

She turned her head to the side, breathing fast. "Billy…" she darted a glance at him, gauging his mood. "Shh, ok? I know…stay calm, alright?"

He pressed his face to her neck, inhaling her scent. "Don't wanna talk 'bout him."

"That's fine, we don't hafta, but you gotta calm down or else you're gonna go off on a freak out," she soothed, resting her hands on his wrists. "Breathe in slow, and then out slow."

Billy took in a deep, shuddery breath, letting it out a moment later. "Good," she coaxed. "You gotta be the one in control, not your temper, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Right," she leaned into his arms willingly, letting him kiss her neck.

Billy nipped her neck, soothing the sting with a light kiss. Beth smiled. "Now go on, I got work to do and for the love of God, can you avoid injuring yourself any further today?"

"No promises," he said, letting go of her with great reluctance.

Beth slipped her purse onto her shoulder and kissed his cheek, laughing inwardly at the look on his face. "Behave, hm?"

He smiled then, the smile lighting up his face. She got out of the car, her heart still beating too hard. One fight avoided, she thought to herself, proud of his attempts to stay calm.

X

"No, I don't want to discuss anything, and I swear, if I hear one more word about this, I'm walkin' out again an' leaving you to deal with them."

Sammy set the crate of bottles down with an annoyed huff. "Don't you be darin' that, Bethie. I damn near killed Jamie cause he was all in my face, sayin' you mix his drink better or some shit. Fool boy, I swear t' Jesus…"

Beth stifled a laugh. "Drama queen is what you are, Sammy. Jamie's a sweetheart if you be nice to him. Besides, you had it coming. I don't push into your business, you stay outta mine."

"But Bethie, this shit is different, girlie!"

She gave him a look over her shoulder. "Last warning," she said. "I mean it. Not a word about me or him."

Sammy let loose a string of words, the fluid Spanish rolling off his tongue, muttering as he unpacked the crate. Beth chuckled and hefted a crate up, bringing it over to him. "I'm willing to bet that you think usin' a different language doesn't count."

"Bethie," he reached up, his large fingers wrapping around her wrist and fingers easily. "Don't be laughin', s' ain't nothin' to laugh over. Billy got demons, he got problems, girlie. I don't wanna see you end up like his dead mama."

"Let go of me," Beth hissed, yanking her wrist back. "I'm not his mother. I give a shit, that's the difference."

Sammy shook his head sadly. "Bethie, there ain't much else I can say. You be careful, girlie."

Beth rubbed her wrist with one hand, glaring at him. "I am careful. Billy needs this, he needs me."

"And Big Bones, you think he ain't gonna find out? He got ears an' eyes everywhere. Eddie knows it too."

"Good, then Eddie can hear it from you when I say for you both to back the fuck off!" she stormed away from him, gathering the clean dishes from the kitchen.

Beth stacked the clean glasses, her hands shaking. "Bastards, the pair of them," she whispered, furious. She started the next load of glasses and plates, taking her anger and frustration out on the cleaning tasks.

X

With a startling amount of comfort, Beth found she rather liked having Billy come to her apartment after work. The hours passed in a hazy blur, ones spent wrapped in his arms on her bed, her body pressed against his. They spoke of nothing in particular, Billy rarely offered tidbits about himself, and Beth found that probing for answers only gave her snippets of stories that broke her heart.

She cooked for them and he sat with her on the couch, holding onto her as they watched movies from her collection. She rather liked the sound of his muffled laughs, and it made her stomach hurt less to see him smiling. It was difficult to reconcile this Billy with the one that had done such terrible things to people.

For several days, there was nothing but this, a silent, unspoken connection that they both relied on.

X

"One second," Beth called, hurrying over to the door a few days later. She smoothed a hand over her hair and opened the door, her ready smile fading. "Eddie…Hi," she said.

Eddie tilted his head. "Bethie, c'mon, this ain't like ya at all. You're avoidin' me."

"I'm not, I've been busy. Um…come in, but I don't have a lot of time right now."

"Yeah I know. He's stoppin' by, ain't he?"

Beth sucked in a quick breath, forcing herself to relax. "He might. I don't make him come here, he chooses to come sometimes."

Eddie looked around the small apartment, his large frame out of place amidst her simple furniture and decorations. "Bethie, please don't make this so damned hard. We gotta talk."

"We are talking," Beth shot back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Eddie sighed, a deep sound of weariness. He sat down on her couch, running a hand along his short beard. "Ya know what I mean. Don't be playin' stupid, when y' far from it."

Beth sat down, the little hairs on the back of her neck prickling. "Eddie…"

"This thing…whatever the fuck y' wanna call it…"

"Eddie, so help me, I love you like a father, but if you finish that sentence, I will slap you."

Eddie tensed, holding his head in his hands. "Bethie, hear me out, please."

"No," Beth gripped the arm of the couch. "The last three days were pretty damn good. He comes to see me, and it's our own world here. It's not the Roses, it's not his father beatin' him down, it's not him havin' to be Billy Darley. He's Billy here, and I will not, I repeat, I will not take that from him."

"An' what if he gets hurt, huh? What if he dies? Or gets thrown in jail, Beth? Then what? What if someone decides t' take y' out t' get t' him? What if y' get knocked up?"

Beth stared at the carpet, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "Stop it," she whispered.

"Y' think for one second that Billy even wants that kind of life?" Eddie stood then. "Y' think real hard on this, Bethie. This ain't a game, not a fuckin' game at all."

"I…Eddie, you don't understand."

Eddie leaned in, cupping her face with one broad palm. "Bethie, this life, and the life me an' him lead, it ain't for you," he said, gentling his voice.

A tear trickled down her cheek, her chest hitching. "I can't leave him, Eddie. I won't do it. Don't ask me that again."

"I don't want ya endin' up like them, y' ain't like us."

"I'm no one special," she turned away from him, the tears trickling faster. "I'm no better than any one else. But I won't be the next one to leave him. You know he needs this."

Eddie let go of her, sighing again. "There's no happy endin' for Darleys. Best ya accept that now."

Beth curled up on the couch, one hand over her face. "Leave Eddie, I can't do this right now."

"Don't cry, Bethie. Please…I jus' wanna protect ya."

She closed her eyes, huddled up, her head to her knees. "Go."

When she heard the door close, she gave in, letting the tears fall. Every word Eddie had spoken, each was a fear that she held close to her heart, ones that she struggled not to even consider. Beth sat on the couch, watching the sky darken as the hours passed.

X

"Do you really need to go already?" Beth asked from the bed, the sheets draped here and there across her body. She stretched a little, her hair falling in wisps along her cheeks.

Billy sat at the end of the bed, dressing slowly. "Yeah, I got shafted into workin'. Heco fucked off wit' that skank o' his. I gotta cover."

She nodded, curling up again, her body pleasantly sore. "You comin' back tonight?" she murmured, before yawning quietly.

Billy looked back at her, a faint smile curving his lips. "Why, y' wanna see me that bad?"

"Pfft," she scoffed. "You know I can't sleep right unless someone steals half my covers midway through the night."

"Hey, I make up for it, don't I?" Billy ran his palm along her smooth back.

"Mhm, an' then some," she closed her eyes. "Billy…be safe?"

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Ain't I always?"

"I know…I can't shake that feeling though."

Billy stood up and adjusted his belt, sliding his silver rings back on his fingers. "Beth…I…" he started to say and then shook his head, falling silent.

She opened her eyes, looking up at him. "Yeah," she nodded, understanding what he couldn't say. "I know."

He leaned in quick, kissing her. Beth grasped his cross necklace, tugging him back down for another kiss. "Go on," she whispered. "Get to work."

She let go of the necklace and smiled, watching him leave before drifting off to sleep.

X

The rapid beeping of her cell phone broke Beth's sleep some time later. She blinked at the ceiling groggily, half registering the sound. The phone fell silent for a moment before it started up again.

Beth groaned and reached for the phone. "H'lo?" she mumbled.

"Beth! Jesus fucking Christ, where's Billy?" came Eddie's frantic voice.

"Huh?"

"Where is he? Bethie, is he with ya?"

Beth sat up, her heart pounding hard against her ribs. "He…He left earlier," she said, pushing her hair back from her face. "He was coverin' for Heco. Why? What happened?"

"The fucker isn't dead! He came t' the bar, he's lookin' for Billy!"

Beth licked her dry lips, her body as cold as ice. "N-Nick Hume…."

"Bethie, y' stay put, I'm callin' Billy. Y' hear me? Stay there."

She dropped the phone, her fingers numb. "Billy…" she whispered, horrified.

X


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Watching Him 9/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

In a blind panic, Beth dressed and threw her keys and phone into her purse. Her stomach lurched violently as she fought to stay calm. "Billy…oh God," she whispered, resisting the urge to throw up.

Nick Hume…She bit her lip, tears springing to her eyes. She had no doubt as to what he had in mind. If he'd been to the bar…She took a deep breath. Sammy…did he tell Nick where to find Billy?

Beth ran down the stairs and out onto the street, her hair streaming behind her. She waved frantically at a passing cab. "Hey! Hey stop!" she shouted.

The cab stopped abruptly and the driver poked his head out, his eyes wary. "Ya ok?"

She shook her head. "No, take me to Stygian Street."

He stared at her. "Ya sure…?"

"It's an emergency," she tugged the door open and slid into the back seat. "Please hurry."

"It ain't a nice part o' town for a girlie like ya," he said, though he started the engine. "Ain't no place for no one."

Beth bit her lip harder, ignoring him. She clutched at her purse, praying silently as he drove.

X

She stared at the building ahead of her, shivering. It looked even more desolate and rundown without the warm glow of sunshine. Beth ran along the path to the abandoned asylum, past the cars parked haphazardly across the lawn, her panicked breaths echoing in her ears. Halfway up the path she heard a sound, one that made her heart jump into her throat.

Another followed then, more explosions of gunfire from inside the building.

Beth stumbled up the front steps and yanked the door open. "Billy…" she whispered, moving into the dark hallway. She felt her way along, her hand sliding over the worn walls. She paused, her hand suddenly wet.

She lifted her hand up, sniffing cautiously. "Jesus…" she shook her fingers, gagging.

The coppery smell of blood lingered in the air, coating her fingers and palm. "Billy!" she called, her heart slamming against her ribcage anew. "Billy, damn it, where are you?"

Beth crept up the stairs to the second floor, cringing at the sudden burst of gunfire above her. "Billy…Answer me," she pleaded, her voice lost in the explosions.

There was a thud not far from her, a scream of pain and more splatters of blood landed near her. Beth bit back a scream, stumbling over the still warm body of Jamie. She crouched down, her hands shaking.

"Jamie…oh my god," she let out a small sob.

His sightless eyes stared up at her, blood covering his throat and mouth. Beth cupped his cheek, stroking his face. She moved her hand up, closing his eyelids. She crossed herself and pressed a motherly kiss to his forehead. "Rest now sweet boy," she whispered.

A crackle startled her and she got up, tears running down her cheeks. Beth moved along the hallway, following the noises. She turned a corner, the outline of a person at the other end of the hallway. "Billy?"

She took another step forward, then another, her legs shaking. "Billy?"

There was a moment, a split second before she saw an explosion of light. Beth turned to the side, crying out when she felt the flare of heat sting her left arm. She clutched at her arm, sinking down to the filthy floor.

The shape moved closer, his eyes wild in the flickering lights. Beth shrank back from the distorted shape, sobbing Billy's name. There was another blast and the shape turned away, jogging into another room.

"Billy…" she cried, struggling to stand. "God, where are you…"

Beth lurched forward, stumbling again down the hall. She tripped over a metal pole, colliding with the doorframe. She cried out, reaching blindly for the door. Beth grasped the doorframe, her fingers slicked with blood.

"No…No!" came a scream of outrage from somewhere close by, "Y' fuckin' bastard!"

Beth sucked a ragged breath in, calling for Billy. She looked up as she sank to the floor, bathed in the red glow of the chapel. A shape appeared in the darkness, familiar blue eyes blazing pure fury.

"Beth…Beth!" Billy shouted, spotting her. "Oh fuckin' hell, Beth..."

She sobbed, clutching her arm again. "Billy, it hurts, it hurts so much," she choked out. "I…I tried to get here…"

He dropped to his knees beside her, checking her over. "Beth…y' shouldn't have come, Bethie, why'd ya come?" he rambled, lifting her up and cradling her to his chest.

She leaned against him, the tears coursing faster. "Billy, you can't do this, he's gonna kill you. I…I found Jamie, he shot Jamie," she trailed off, shaking.

He set her down by the cross, his hands trembling. "He shot ya," he hissed, "I'm gonna rip 'im t' fucking pieces!"

"No!"

A roar of gunfire blew over them, the bullets narrowly missing Beth. Billy snarled and yanked his gun out of his coat, cocking it. Beth grasped at his coat with her stained hands, struggling to hold him down.

"Billy, please," she reached for him. "Please, don't. I can't lose you like this."

He looked down at her, tears in his eyes finally. "Beth…hang on, m' gonna get ya outta here, y' jus' hang on," he pleaded.

Beth whimpered, her skin prickling at the sound of the footsteps entering the chapel. She turned, staring over at the man in the doorway. She gasped. Nick Hume stood in the entrance, a shotgun in both hands, aimed at them. He stared down at them, his head oddly shaven, cold fury on his face.

Billy dropped his gun and picked her up again, hunching his long frame over her. Beth pressed her ear to his chest, hearing his heat beat hammering wildly. Billy let out a small sound, a sob that made her stomach lurch.

She heard the bullet fire, felt his body spasm over her. Billy shuddered, crying out when the bullet pierced his skin. Beth sobbed quietly, hanging onto him. She opened her eyes, looking over to Nick Hume.

"Please," she whispered thickly. "Please stop."

He frowned, aiming at them. A tear coursed down her cheek. "M-Mr. Hume…"

He flinched and lowered his gun. "I'm not them, I won't kill you just because you're with him," he rasped, his voice a choked sound of pain. "He killed my family. All of them."

Beth struggled to sit up, Billy's arms weakening around her. He let out a moan of pain and lifted his gun, his aim shaky. Beth held on to Billy, swaying dizzily. She whispered his name, touching his cheek.

"Billy, no more," she said, cupping his face in her palm. "No more…" she trailed off, the pain ripping through her.

"Bethie, don't…no," Billy held her, rocking her slowly. "Y' can't go…"

He jerked, a new bullet tearing into his shoulder. He slumped over her, the blood dripping onto her shirt. "No," she wept softly. "No…"

She dimly heard a scream of pain, heard the sound of Nick hitting the floor, Eddie's enraged shouts echoing in the small, blood soaked room. Beth pressed against Billy, listening to his heart beat slowing.

"Please don't leave me…"

X


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Watching Him 10/?

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

It was the harsh cries of pain nearby that startled her enough to tear her attention from Billy's fading heartbeat. Beth shifted, gasping when she looked at the body of Nick Hume, his watery eyes peering back at her.

He lay a foot or so away from her, his hand clasped to his left side. Blood oozed over his pale fingers, staining them a horrid red. He opened his mouth, choking and wheezing. Eddie stood over him, his gun tucked securely in his palm.

"Fuckin' prick," he spat, kicking Nick's prone form. "She ain't even involved an' y' pull on her?"

Nick cried out at the kick, a new trickle of blood dripping from his mouth. "Y-You think h-he gave my wife that consideration?" he laughed wildly, "Shot h-her, she's dead, they're all dead, dead c-cause of him!"

"Forgive me if I ain't weepin'," Eddie sneered. "Now ya can bleed out here while I take care of m' family." He brushed past him, digging his cell phone out. "Bodie, get Doc up an' runnin'," he barked into the phone. "Not good, man, not good. Took two shots I think."

Beth licked her lips. The pain in her arm was fading gradually, her skin numb. She patted Billy's cheek, her breath catching. "Billy," she whispered. "Billy, please…Please don't go like this."

He blinked sluggishly, his eyes a dull, empty blue. "B-Beth…" he managed, wincing at the prodding from Eddie. "Ya shouldn't…s' ok, y' go see the Doc…don't come back no more. S' ain't for y'," he slurred, his grip loosening on her. "S' ain't safe for ya. So go…"

She forced herself to move, to cup his face with one hand. "Don't you do that," she choked out, "Don't you dare ask me to leave you."

Billy leaned into the caress, a tear running down his cheek. "A-ain't no good for ya, y' only gonna get hurt 'round me," he whispered, pressing a shaky kiss to her palm. "Y' were the best thing, jus' never saw it till now an'…an'…" he trailed off, his chest jerking.

"No…God, no," Beth patted his cheek, watching with horror as his eyes rolled up and he slumped backwards. "No!" she gripped him, ignoring the stench of blood and death around them, ignoring Eddie's pleas at her side.

Beth held on to Billy, weeping softly in the blood soaked room.

X

"Too much blood, man, it's too fuckin' much, Eddie..."

"Ya think I don't know that? Christ, don't let 'im flat line, Doc, s' all I'm askin' ya."

"I'm doin' what I can, but he's losin' it faster n' I can get into him."

X

Beth blinked once, then again, her eyes gritty with sleep. She licked her dry lips, her parched throat clicking as she tried to drum up a sound. She lifted her arms, crying out at the flash of pain that ran up her left arm.

A shape hovered over her, blurry and misshapen. "Slow up, girlie, you're gonna do more harm n' good if you're up an' runnin' already," the shape cautioned, a hand nudging her back down.

"Wh…" she croaked, her hands reaching aimlessly at her sides.

"I said lie down an' I mean it. C'mon, girlie, that's it," the voice coaxed, the blurs above her slowly forming into a concerned face. The white haired man nodded, his thin lips curling into a smile. "You're one stubborn girlie, that's for sure."

"Beth…" she whispered, wincing. "Name is Beth."

"Uh huh, I know that, but I call all them pretty ladies girlies, so you gonna hafta deal with that. You want some water?"

She nodded. "Please…"

The man moved away from her side and returned with a bottle of water, a straw placed neatly inside the neck of the bottle. He held it close to her. "Little sips now," he cautioned, his dark brown eyes gleaming with banked worry.

She did so, taking the smallest sips of cool water. "Where's Billy?" she asked a moment later, looking around the dirty room. "He's ok, right?"

The man set the bottle on a crate, his wrinkled face creased with many, many lines. "Don't worry 'bout 'im right now. You sleep an' rest, girlie. That arm of yours took a beatin'."

Beth looked down at her bandaged arm, her stomach lurching. "Jesus…" she mumbled. "But he's ok? Tell me he's ok."

"You ever been shot 'fore t' night?"

She shook her head and sat up more, the room spinning a little. "No sir."

"Sir she calls me, God love these young ones," the man let out a quiet chuckle. "Let's jus' hope it never happens again. You're one lucky girlie. Bullet went in n' outta your arm, neat as can be."

Beth eyed the bandage. "It hurt like a bitch." She sighed then. "Please. Sir, tell me that Billy's ok," she whispered, on the verge of begging, tears clouding her vision. "Please…"

"He's out right now; I got 'im sleepin'."

She sniffled and let a few tears of relief fall. "He'll live?"

The man gave a half smile. "If he stays outta the way of bullets, he might live for a few more. Boy's got a hard on for findin' trouble an' trouble always finds 'im."

She reached for the water. "Who're you?" she asked, holding the bottle with her right hand, her eyes on the strange old man before her.

"Call me Doc, ev'ryone else does, ya might as well too."

"Is that your real name?"

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter, girlie," he said. "Not in this life."

Beth sipped the water, her fingers trembling. "Can I see him? I need to see that he's ok."

"My word ain't good 'nough for ya?"

"I…No, it's not that," she blushed lightly. "I…please?"

Doc shook his head, his white hair too bright in the dark room. "No more than a minute, ya hafta rest up, girlie."

Beth set the water down; swinging her legs to the side of the makeshift cot she'd been lying on. Doc held out his arm for her, the two of them shuffling out of the room. Beth shivered. "I hate this place," she whispered.

"It ain't much for cheer, is it?" Doc gripped her arm, steadying her. "When I was real young, younger than you, it was a bustlin' place. I worked as a janitor here for years."

"And you're the doctor now?"

He chuckled lowly. "Ya can say that, sure. I'm **their** doctor. Them Darley's an' their boys, they don't go to no hospitals. They come to me, or I go to them. Help their girlies with the babies, stitch 'im back up when they get hurt, numb the pain, an' watch 'em die 'fore they need to."

Beth touched her necklace, clutching her cross. "They live too hard," she murmured.

"Damn right they do," he grunted. Doc let go of her long enough to peer into the room down the hall. He gestured to her and Beth moved as fast as she could, her heart pounding hard.

Billy lay on another makeshift cot, his sweater and jacket lying on the floor, off to the side. Doc had rigged up a basic i.v. for Billy, bandages covering his upper chest and shoulder. Beth covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes burning with unshed tears.

Doc rested his hand on Billy's forehead, his eyes closed for a moment. Beth exhaled and rushed to his side. She dropped down to her knees, her hands fluttering over his arm for a moment. Beth touched his arm, stroking the long black swirls of ink.

"Billy..." she whispered.

"He ain't gonna hear much. I got 'im sedated."

Beth nodded, caressing his arm gently. "He's ok, he's gonna be ok," she said, her voice uneven. "He has to be."

Doc checked the i.v. line and then sighed, shaking his head. "Boy's been through worse but he lost too fuckin' much blood this time. Touch n' go for a long time."

She leaned in, resting her head to his chest. "Billy," she said, pressing her ear over his heart. The steady beat reassured her more than anything. She let a few tears fall, the droplets splashing onto his pale skin.

Beth closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep moments later.

X

The clomping of Eddie's heavy boots echoed in the hallways, his large frame pushing past the doorway. "Bethie, ya not s'posed to be outta bed," he said, frowning at the sight of her lying on the makeshift bed with Billy.

"Technically, I am in bed," she murmured sleepily.

He rolled his eyes. "Kids," he muttered, "In your own bed. He ain't gonna jump up an' run away, not with those holes in 'em."

Beth rubbed at her eyes with her good hand. "He's sleeping, Eddie, shh," she admonished him in a fierce whisper.

Eddie palmed a cigarette and lit it with his lighter. He took a deep drag and exhaled, nodding. "Sorry, Bethie," he said. "How's the arm holdin' up?"

"I'm fine," she sat up a little, peering up at him.

"Y' always say you're fine," he flicked the cigarette off to the side.

Beth smiled sadly and looked back to Billy. "Is Nick...?"

"Gone," Eddie grinned, a cold malicious gleam to his smile. "I nailed the fucker in his side. Let 'im bleed out on the floor."

"Eddie…" Beth touched her throat, swallowing. "Don't be proud of that."

"An' why the fuck not?" Eddie scowled at the wall. "He shot ya, he was tryin' t' kill Billy, he killed Jamie, Heco and he killed Joe, Bethie!"

Beth stroked Billy's chest, tracing each scar with her thumb. "Who started it, Eds?"

Eddie fell silent, his cigarette trailing smoke in the dim room. He inhaled and then nodded. "Yeah, but that don't mean I'm gonna sit back an' let 'im kill either of ya."

"You were so close to being too late," she said, rubbing one particularly thick scar. "Nick Hume wasn't gonna stop till Billy was…"

"All the more reason for me t' take 'im down."

Beth sniffled softly, a few tears escaping. "I can't lose him like this, Eddie. Doc said he was bleedin' out."

Eddie rubbed his thumb along his chin, nodding. "I know. He's a fighter, but sometimes ya jus' can't keep goin'. Least he said his goodbye t' ya in case."

She covered her face with her hand, trembling. "He was ready to die."

"Only one that knows f' sure is him." Eddie walked over to her and placed his large palm on her shoulder. "Bethie, please don't be cryin'. I can't stand hearin' a lady cry."

She leaned against Eddie's side, shaking. "I…I'm scared," she admitted. "If he dies…"

"Then he dies knowin' he protected you," Eddie said, patting her back. "Y' his Bethie an' that's somethin' worth fightin' an' dyin' for."

Doc appeared in the doorway. "Ya ain't botherin' my patients, are you, Eds?"

"Never, Doc, never," he said. "I'm gonna head on out, I need t' get Jamie an' Heco taken care of."

Beth turned away, swallowing over the lump in her throat. "Eddie…Ask for their ashes, please?"

He stared at her. "The hell…?"

"Ask them for the ashes."

"Bethie, we don't do no services, y' know that," he said, frowning.

She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I know, but I want the ashes. Do it, please?"

He nodded. "Yeah, yeah ok."

Beth curled up to Billy, her head on his chest again. She ignored the look on Doc's face. "Don't," she cautioned him. "I'm fine here, and I want him to see that he's not alone when he wakes up."

"If ya say so," he said, "S' long as you're restin' up, ya need it, Beth."

"I promise," she said, letting her eyelids drift shut.

X

She sighed, drifting in a haze of not quite sleep, her body relaxed. The steady beating of Billy's heart lulled her, calmed her fears. She slipped her arm around him and pressed a light kiss to his uninjured shoulder. She smiled, thinking longingly of the times he'd ran his fingers through her hair, watching the strands slip over each finger.

Beth stilled, feeling the smallest flicker in the body beneath her. She opened her eyes, inhaling sharply. Billy shifted, his fingers twitching. He made a sound in his throat. Beth lifted her head, her heart beat roaring in her ears.

"Billy…?"

He blinked once, then again, his face contorted with pain. Billy looked to his left, seeing her then. "B-Beth…" he managed to whisper, his eyes wide. "Y'…Ya ok?"

She smiled, tears flooding her eyes. "I'm fine. Doc bandaged me up real good."

He clasped his hand over hers, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Bethie…Ya shouldn't have come, why'd y' show up?"

"Because I was worried about you, you fool," she said, kissing his hand, laughing a little, despite the tears. "Eddie called me, he couldn't find you. I knew Mr. Hume was lookin' for you. I couldn't wait, I had to find you."

"Ya coulda died, Beth. He coulda…" Billy shuddered, pain wracking his body.

"Shh," she moved up, cradling his face with her hand, "None of that, Billy. I'm ok, the bullet went right through me an' back out."

He moved his hand, covering hers. "I…I didn't…if I lost ya…"

Beth pressed the gentlest of kisses to his cheek. "You didn't. I'm still here. I'm not goin' anywhere."

Billy closed his eyes, his lips trembling ever so slightly. "Bethie…I…I meant what I said. You…y' the best thing I got."

Beth leaned up and kissed him, her lips sliding over his, slow and sweet. He made a soft sound and wrapped his arms around her carefully, reveling in the feel of her loving kisses.

X


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Watching Him 11/11

Author: veiledndarkness

Pairing: Billy/OFC

Rating: R

Summary: She sees everything, she's watching him fall.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made and no harm intended.

AU follows storyline of movie somewhat.

XX

"Really now, Doc, I don't need to lie down all day," Beth adjusted the knot on her cloth sling and sighed when it slid into place. "I'm fine, I swear."

Doc frowned. "Stubborn mule is what ya are, girlie. You take it easy on that arm, ya hear me?"

Beth sighed once more and nodded. "You worry too much, you an' Eddie both."

"Ev'ryone needs somebody naggin' their ass. Like how ya nag after Billy."

She looked away, her face warm. "Somebody has to. He can hardly look after himself as it is."

"Lovin' him ain't no easy task, girlie. Hope you're up t' it."

Beth straightened her back, leveling a glare at the older man. "I am. I don't give up when things get hard and...And my l-loving h-..." she trailed off, the angry voices echoing from down the hall distracting her.

Doc hid a grin and gathered his large black bag of supplies, tucking it under one arm. Beth slipped off the cot and edged closer to the doorway, straining her ears.

"...Don't y' give me that fuckin' look," Billy's voice was bitingly cold. "If I want y' fuckin' advice, I'll ask for it."

"Ya think for one second I'm gonna stand by an' watch ya fuck this all up? No way am I lettin' ya hurt her too. Not a chance."

"Eddie, back the fuck off!" Billy snarled, his furious words followed by a crash, metal scraping along the worn linoleum. "She's mine; ya can't keep her from me!"

Beth inhaled sharply, her stomach twisting up hard.

Doc sighed behind her. "Lord, does that boy ever got his daddy's temper."

"She's gonna get hurt! She could get nabbed by one o' the others! Fuck, Billy, even you might be the one t' hurt her, an' I swear, if y' ever, EVER, lay a fuckin' hand on her in anger, so help you, boy."

"Get the fuck outta my way!"

Beth swallowed over the lump in her throat and hurried out of the room, her arm tucked close to her chest. She walked into the room, passing by Eddie.

The two men stood a few feet apart, each red-faced with anger, fists clenched. Beth stood in front of Billy, her hand on his chest. "Billy...Billy, stop," she pleaded. "No more fighting."

He glared at Eddie before looking down at her. The fury ebbed in his eyes, his lips quirking upwards. "S' fine, everythin's ok, right Eddie?"

"Yeah..." Eddie grunted, unclenching his fists.

Beth pressed against Billy, her hand moving up to cup his cheek. "You need to lie down, Billy, you're still recovering."

He leaned into the touch, his eyes half open. "Nah," he murmured. "M' fine, Doc's got me on painkillers. M' all stitched up."

"Still, I don't want you gettin' worse."

"She's right, need t' get your stubborn ass back home an' restin'," Doc said as he shuffled into the room. "Eds, make sure he goes t' the Roses an' stays put a few days."

Eddie nodded once, a muscle in his jaw flexing. "Yessir, I will."

Billy slipped his arm around Beth, holding her closer. "I don't wanna go t' the Roses, m' goin' wit' her."

"Billy..."

"Y' heard me," Billy snapped. "Jus' fuckin' do it!"

Beth touched his cheek again, diverting his attention. "It's ok, you come back with me," she said, stroking her thumb along his jaw, "Nothin' to be angry about."

Doc exchanged curious glances with Eddie. "Unreal," Eddie muttered. "I'll explain t' ya in the car."

"Never thought I'd see that, an' I've seen some shit in my time," Doc shook his head, chuckling as he left the room.

A tense silence filled the air around them, thick and chokingly heavy. Beth cleared her throat. "Eddie...Take us to my apartment, please? I need to lie down an' these cots aren't all that comfy."

"Sure, Bethie," he said, giving Billy another of his looks before he turned away and headed out of the room.

Beth stood on her tiptoes, pressing a light kiss to Billy's cheek. "Don't be yelling like that," she whispered, "Nothing to get upset over, so come with me an' no more fighting."

He nodded reluctantly. "Bethie..."

"No, no fightin' with Eddie. He loves you, Billy, he's worried about you."

Billy leaned against her as they walked, his arm clutched possessively around her. "I know...better than m' own piece of shit father."

"Eddie told me that Bones sold Mr. Hume the guns."

"Father of the fuckin' year," Billy sighed, "Won't miss his fat ass any time soon."

Beth looked down at the filthy floor, holding back a shudder. Eddie had filled her in on all the details over the course of a day. She said a silent prayer for Bones, knowing that he deserved whatever was waiting for him. "He was burned with the others?"

"Yeah."

She shivered. "Billy..."

"I ain't gonna regret it," he said, staring straight ahead, his words almost too casual. "Not after me an' Joe gettin' shit since we was babies."

Beth nodded, her eyes tracking the splatters of blood that led them, trail-like to the front door. She paused in the doorway, looking back at the hallway. She sighed, her arm twanging with pain. "I hope I never see this place again."

X

She fussed over him until she was satisfied that he was comfortable in her bed. Beth tugged the blankets up, covering Billy to his waist. "There," she said. "Good?"

Billy nodded and reached for her, his eyes hazy from the painkillers. "Bethie..." he said, stroking her hair, his fingers slipping through the strands.

"I'm gonna be out in the living room," she pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'm comin' back in a few minutes. I need to talk to Eddie first."

"Don' go t' far," he mumbled sleepily.

"I'm right here if you need me, Billy," she promised. "Sleep now."

"Mhm," he yawned a little and let his hand drop down to the blankets, already half asleep.

Beth sighed and smoothed her hand over his scalp. She walked out of the room, closing the door part of the way behind her. Eddie sat on the couch, stroking his short gray beard thoughtfully.

"Do you want a drink, Eddie? I have some beer if you want or…well I don't keep hard liquor here…"

"A beer would be real nice, Bethie," he nodded.

She handed the cold bottle to him. "G' on, sit down," he said, uncapping it and then took a long sip.

Beth sat on the chair, fidgeting with her cloth sling. "Eddie, I…I heard you an' Billy earlier, the fight you were having."

Eddie winced. "Aw shit, I'm sorry. Never meant for ya t' hear all that."

"Please…don't rile him like that. Billy needs you more than ever, Eddie."

Eddie sat back on the couch, his eyes everywhere but on her. "Look, I know ya think Billy's…worth tryin' for, but the truth is that he's damned dangerous. Y' know the stuff he's done, y' see the shit they do, an' here ya are, playin' nursemaid?"

"I don't need or want a lecture," Beth rubbed her forehead with her good hand. "I know what I'm doing."

Eddie grunted and took another long swallow of beer. "Ya don't, Bethie, you're so innocent, y' got no clue. He ain't gonna change. He's always gonna be a Darley."

"I'm not a fucking moron," she snapped. "You think for one second that I don't know who he is? I see him; I see everything that no one else takes a moment to see! And he may be a Darley, but that does not make him unworthy!"

"And the next time he kills someone?"

Beth pressed her lips tightly together, tears gleaming in her eyes. "Eddie…"

He licked his lips and shook his head slowly. "Yeah," he whispered. "Billy kills people, Beth. Not every day, but he has an' he will again. This is his nature; there ain't no changin' the boy's nature. He can try an' be good for ya, but y' ain't got nothin' but heartbreak waitin' for ya in the end."

"Do you not want him to be happy?" Beth choked out, a tear spilling down her cheek.

Eddie set the bottle on the table. "Beth, girlie, I only wanna see good things for ya both but y' ain't bein' realistic. Y' can't fix what's wrong with him."

Beth pulled her knees up to her chest, shaking. "I…Eddie, I can't help how I feel," she wiped at her eyes awkwardly. "He…He needs me an' I…think I…"

He fumbled with the handkerchief in his pocket, offering it to her. "Bethie, don't cry."

"I…Sometimes I wish he never saw me," she clutched the fabric, dabbing it at her wet cheeks, the tears gleaming in the dark room. "Wish he was like the others, ignore me, don't see me, but he did, he saw and…and I liked the fact that he saw me. He didn't ignore me, I wasn't invisible."

Eddie rubbed his forehead tiredly. "What're ya gonna do when he gets shot up someday?"

"Grieve," she whispered, more tears falling. "Miss him, miss everything that he was and wasn't."

He looked to her, his lips curving in a sad smile. "Bethie, you love him, don't ya?"

Beth made a soft sound in her throat. "I…I do. Don't ask me why, just accept that I do," she pressed her hand to her mouth, struggling to stay calm.

"If he ever hurts ya…"

"He won't. I don't think he could," Beth wiped her cheeks gently. "Eddie…when I slapped him in the chapel, he could've hit me, he could've hurt me so badly, but he didn't. All his life, someone's been hurtin' him. He needs this, more than he could ever admit."

Eddie let out a long suffering sigh. "I know someday this is gonna go bad but…"

"Please, I know you're only tryin' to protect me, but I want this, I need this chance. Billy has to see that he can be happy."

Eddie nodded. He stood up and leaned down, hugging her. "I know…I know…"

She rested against him, sniffling. "Do you think he could ever feel the same?"

"I dunno, Bethie. Maybe he could."

She stood up as well. "I'm sorry, I got your handkerchief all wet," she let out a tiny, damp laugh.

"Who gives a shit? I got more o' them."

Beth closed her eyes. "Eddie…Thank you for understanding."

"S' what I'm here for," he murmured, hugging her closer. "I got them ashes for ya. Still don't understand why ya want them."

"They need a proper service. It's important to me."

He snorted. "Yeah, if y' say so."

"I do say so," she whispered before yawning. "I'm sorry, Eddie but I'm beat."

"S' fine," he said. "Y' go lie down."

Beth hugged him with one arm. "I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded and let go of her. He glanced at the door to the bedroom, the smallest of frowns flitting across his face. Eddie held back a sigh and headed out, his boots clomping out into the hall.

Beth locked the door behind him, her heart still beating fast. "I...I do love him," she whispered, slightly in awe. "God...I do."

With her stomach churning uneasily, Beth walked into the bedroom. Billy lay on the bed, curled onto his side, his hands fisted in her sheets. She stripped her clothes off carefully and slipped under the covers beside him.

Billy mumbled in his sleep, reaching for her. She curled up to him, tucking her head under his chin. She placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat. Beth smiled, letting herself fall asleep within moments.

X

Billy tugged at his leather coat a few weeks later, fidgeting with the cigarette clamped between two fingers. He took a long drag on the smoke and exhaled, looking down at the ground. Beth stood next to him, her eyes on the metal boxes on the ground before them.

She nodded to Eddie, her hand sliding down Billy's arm to grip his fingers. He curled his fingers with hers, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles, taking the comfort she offered him.

Eddie put the metal box off to the side, set aside from the others. "S' Joe's," he said, his voice rough and worn. "I made sure."

Beth smiled faintly. She held on to Billy, listening to the wind blow around them, her hair fluttering in the gusts. Eddie laid each box out, one for Joe, one for Heco, for Jamie, and lastly, one for Bones.

Billy dropped his cigarette to the ground, stubbing it out with one boot. He gripped Beth's hand tighter, his eyes shaded by his sunglasses. Beth looked to the others, nodding to each of them.

Bodie cleared his throat. "Our boys," he said, his voice faltering.

Each looked uneasy with that moment, their discomfort visible. Bodie started again, his voice catching. "We put our boys t' rest, an' 'member them. We won't forget none of y'all."

The men nodded, almost in unison. They passed by Billy and Beth, exchanging a moment of silence, of respect. As each filed past them, Beth kept a close eye on Billy, reading everything that he wasn't allowing the others to see.

Eddie squeezed Billy's shoulder, resting their foreheads together. "S' all gonna be ok someday. We done right by Joe, an' the boys," he said.

Billy made a sound in his throat, his face crumpling for only a split second. He nodded, inhaling deeply. "Yeah..."

"Be good t' her," Eddie whispered. "Ain't nobody like her."

Billy moved away from him, swallowing rapidly. Eddie took the silent move and backed off, leaving the two of them near the boxes. Beth closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Billy's breathing, and of her own. She squeezed Billy's hand gently.

"Billy, are you alright?"

He tugged his sunglasses off, his eyes red-rimmed. "Think I will be."

"Thank you, for agreeing to this, for not resistin'." She rested against Billy, nestled in his arms.

"We never did this shit 'fore now, but I think...I think it feels ok, y' know, t' do this." He swallowed again. "It hurts so fuckin' much. I miss him..."

Beth touched his shoulder with her hand. "I miss him too. You don't forget, but you learn to live. You don't have to live like your father, you can be more. Joe could have been so much more. You have to want it, Billy."

He nodded, looking at the ground. "Beth...I...I uh..."

She kissed his neck and moved his hand to rest over hers, their fingers brushing over her stomach. He closed his eyes and brought his head down to rest against hers. "I...I love ya, Bethie," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Beth tilted her head and brushed a kiss over his lips. Billy pressed her closer to him, his hands shaking. "I can't help it...I jus' do. Y' make me feel good, lovin' you feels good."

She smiled, cupping his cheek. "That's how love's supposed to feel, Billy."

He made another soft sound and held tightly to her, his hands stroking her stomach. She closed her eyes and relaxed in his arms, letting the love reassure him.

XX

Thank you to everyone who's read and/or reviewed this story. Your support is very much appreciated.

Billy and Beth's story will be continued eventually in a series of ficlets, albeit ones with less angst and more humor :) stay tuned for the continuations to follow.


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